Currently at 00% on the tomatometer…

 

Out in theaters today, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li is Capcom and 20th Century Fox’s latest attempt to reboot the Street Fighter film franchise.  The film wasn’t screened for critics (never a good sign), and with only 15 reviews currently on rottentomatoes.com, not one critic deemed the film “FRESH”.

With all of the success that the release of Street Fighter IV generated, the movie could possibly salvage some kind of a decent box-office performance.  But if this movie goes down in history as a colossal failure like the original 1994 flick, then I have some advice for Capcom and any studios who hope to capitalize on the venerable video game franchise: STOP TRYING. 

Street Fighter is a wildly successful game franchise due to its tight controls and incredibly deep fighting gameplay.  The game’s storyline was never particularly fascinating (any movie about a crime syndicate that holds a massive fighting tournament will pale in comparison to Enter the Dragon), which is why I don’t think it translates to film very well.  The most popular face of the franchise, Ryu, is a loner who doesn’t say much, doesn’t have much charisma and is really only likable because he looks cool and he’s relatively easy to use.  Those aren’t really the characteristics of a starring movie role, so why do you think they threw Kristen Kreuk (mmm…) into a film about Chun-Li?

The 1994 animated film, Street Fighter II, was well-received, but I’m still not sure how popular that hand-drawn movie is without the infamous Chun-Li shower scene.  Yeah, that scene was really up there for me in terms of animated hotties, right along with Ariel’s seashell bra in Little Mermaid.

So here’s my final plea to all movie studios: Street Fighter just doesn’t play out well on film, especially American film where it’s just going to end up looking like a boring Action vehicle.  If you’re going to make a movie like that, it’s already been done in 1994, and that movie is probably better than anything else that will come out in the future.

It also had one of the greatest movie speeches of all-time:

“Greatest Moment in Cinematic History” indeed.

keeeeep it goin'...

I admit... I enjoy reading and reading quality blogs in particular, and I also miss column writing and just plain writing in general (fuckin' college essays don’t cut it). I've been deprived of the latter for over two years now, so in all livelihood this project should be sufficient enough to cater to both of these needs. So far I like what I see, but really, a collaboration of the great minds of Lance, Ray, Nazer, Adonis, (and someone else?? TBA) is simply UNSTOPPABLE.

Anyways, introductions aside, I felt it was appropriate to mention that tomorrow, Dec. 7, one of the greatest movies probably since Mosquito Man, premieres in theaters. Yeah, that’s right, you’re probably been just as antsy, which means it can only be….

THE GOLDEN COMPASS.



!!!

Damn, there's nothing more badass than an armored polar bear. The movie stars some no-name child actress, James Bond himself, Daniel Craig, the slutty Nicole Kidman, and did I mention badass armored polar bears. All in all, this cast only means a one thing – a recipe for guaranteed success.

Ignoring the fact that its based off a pansy children’s book, (Hey, Harry Potter was meant for kids, but shit, he gets all the girls now) THE GOLDEN COMPASS is sure to be your moneys worth. Be sure to ignore any reviews you might come across – the critics at rottentomatoes.com gave it an abysmal 39%. (These same douchebags gave THE MARINE starring JOHN CENA, yes, fuckin’ John Cena, only a 21%, so fuck them.) Instead, base your judgment on the fact that the movie features badass armored polar bears in action. Till then, I will see you at Edwards.

Best,
Adonis