Because Chinese Girls can become Men too

With one more final left to go, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to remain focused, especially with lingering thoughts of how awful I performed on my previous tests. Luckily, I’ve found the perfect remedy to alleviate all my depressing thoughts, designed around a fail-proof plan of watching several enlightening youtube videos.

My first source of inspiration is a no brainer; most of you probably watch it right before leaving the house to kick some ass in whatever. If not, it consists of watching Lance’s old post of Jean Claude Van Damme’s classic speech in the movie Street Fighter, which is arguably one of the “Greatest Moments in Cinematic History.” I watch it at a modest 5 or so times in a row, until I start shaking my head like the Indian soldier, and feel so pumped up that I throw my fist up at the end too. I’d watch it a few more times, but my adrenaline rush is usually at its peak by then so I tend to take it easy after that.

Next, I watch an assortment of Steven Seagal action clips, such as this one in the movie “Out for Justice” where he single-handily, TAKES OUT THE TRASH!!



Steven Seagal is fucking awesome. Not only does he display some handy shotgun work, and blasts someone’s leg off, but on top of that, he makes short work of a fat guy with just one fucking judo kick to the gut. While this clip doesn’t really pertain to finals, and probably has absolutely no inspirational value whatsoever unless you too, are out for some street justice, I still think its pretty badass nonetheless.

If Van Damme and Steven Seagal isn’t enough to pump me up and get me back to studying, I resort to another well-known source of motivation, inspired by the recent Disney theme.

From Disney’s Mulan: “I’ll make a man out of you!”



Thanks to the historical accuracy of Mulan, I now know how it feels to be a Chinese recruit back in the day; and it must’ve really sucked, with such absurd standards just to get through boot camp. Shooting 3 apples in mid-air with a bow while still hitting the target – Getting stoned while balancing a bucket of water on your head – Dodging a hail of flaming arrows - Having to break a stone slab – Are you fucking serious?? But hey, if this is what Mulan had to go through, there’s no reason for me to give up on studying, finals, or just school in general for that matter. If a young Chinese women can transform into a dude overnight, I too, can do the same… and perform well on my last test.

SO HORDE!

The Oscars happened...

...And there were no breadsticks to be found (because I ate em all...HARHAR, one less smartass comment).

Here's a quick rundown of some of the big Academy Award winners:

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men
Best Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton
Best Actress: Marion Cotillard, La Vie En Rose
Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Best Director: Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country For Old Men
Best Picture: No Country For Old Men

I've never heard of Marion Coltillard or La Vie En Rose but congratulations anyways. She looked kinda strange tonight, but the magic of Google Images led me to IMDB and brought my attention to some of her better moments.


And by "better moments," I of course am referring to her stellar acting career...

Sometime this week I will be sure to catch the great Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood. This fool always has the most intense performances; he is pretty much the Kevin Garnett of acting.

And of course, I can't miss No Country For Old Men. Ever since he showed up in The Fugitive, every Tommy Lee Jones (aka Agent K) movie has been stellar...except maybe Space Cowboys.

My favorite comedy of the year (yes, I liked it better than Juno, even though writer Diablo Cody probably deserved her Best Original Screenplay award) was multiple Razzie winner (including Worst Picture), Norbit. Unfortunately it lost out in its nomination for Best Makeup to the Marion Cotillard movie but deep in my heart I hope that Eddie Murphy will get his Oscar someday. Let us all hope and pray for Coming to America 2. I will even settle for Nutty Professor 3. Make it happen Eddie.

CommanderCacho's Best of 2007

These awards had little to do with the artistic credibility or quality of the choices I’ve made. Moreso, they reflect the things that I helplessly enjoyed throughout the year of 2007, even if I tried not to like them.

Best Poker Player: Me

Wow, what can I say…an unprecedented three wins in a row, not to mention four victories in five games. I was simply unstoppable this year. I really wish I kept that stats site going, but maybe that’s what lifted the jinx and allowed me to go on my streak. Ok sorry, I will now take my own dick out of my mouth.

Best New TV Show: Chuck

Chuck has cool (ok, maybe cheesy) action, sexy girls, comedy, and awesome nerd references. As good as Pushing Daises was, this was the new show I looked forward to most during the new season. It also presents one of the finest examples of the Slave Leia costume ever.

Best Video Game: Rock Band

Don't those guys look cool...

Rock Band singlehandedly changed the way I look at two of my favorite things in the world, music and video games. I’ve bonded with my roommates and my friends for hours upon hours over this game. Time simply gets lost with this shit on. If you’ve seen me rock out on drums during Metallica’s “And Justice For All…” or belt out Radiohead’s “Creep” or attempt to keep up with the crazy solos on The Outlaws’ “Green Grass and High Tides” then you can understand how much I love this game on such a raw level. It brings out a side of me rarely seen and I simply lose myself in the music when I play this game.

Best Song: Buy U a Drank



This song sure as hell isn’t the best song in terms sheer quality and musicianship, but it's the song that will always remind me of 2007. The popular choice right now would maybe be “Crank Dat” as 2007’s hip-hop jam, but I just think this song is so much better. Thanks to Adonis, I know all of the words to this song. And you know you motherfuckers agree that this was the jam when it came on the radio or at the club.

Best Movie: Transformers

Let my preface this by saying that I haven’t seen a lot of the award favorites (or just fan favorites in general) this season and am going only by the movies I saw, which wasn’t very many. But, not since maybe the first time I watched Star Wars (holy shit, I’m a nerd) have I had such a great basic reaction during a movie. I was on the edge of my seat when Bumblebee and Barricade were racing down the street. My heart was pounding when the cars would transform and prepare for battle. I felt the adrenaline rush when Bumblebee was getting towed down the street while he took out Decepticons. I had a boner when Megan Fox opened the hood of the Even Stevens guy’s car. It was a well-made popcorn flick, and overall, a great movie.

I know Nazer has made some pretty valid points about how this movie is seriously lacking in basic movie essentials like plot and character development. But for me, this movie was like that pretty class council girl that bats her eyelashes and the encounter somehow ends with me going “DURH…PRETTY GIRL…ME DUMB…ME BUY 20 FRUIT BARS.” If Transformers was a class council girl, I would have bought all her loaves of Dudley’s bread.

Best Album: Fall Out Boy – Infinity on High

I saved this award for last because I realize that this choice above all will most likely result in me losing any credibility I had in taste. I tried so fucking hard this year to like a CD made by a black person more than I liked this one. I just couldn’t resist its catchy pop rock goodness. God, what the fuck is wrong with me.