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S. Bareilles - Bottle It Up

A Fan Tribute

So I've been on hiatus for approximately 2 months – With school (sleeping in) and work (video games) taking up so much of my time this summer, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to find room in my schedule to post regularly.

Just recently however, I’ve come across some encouraging words that I feel has finally put this bad habit of mine to an end. I’ve also come to realize that 1) I've been leaving my fellow cool kids, Nazer, Ray and Lance hanging, 2) We’ve collectively passed the 200th-post mark, with no reason to stop, and 3) I feel obligated to balance the flow of Rock Band/Fake Instrument related posts with my incredibly dumb ideas.

The real inspiration though, that drives me to start writing again, actually comes in the form of a simple email.

If you’ve noticed on the sidebar, as part of our lame attempt to make this site appear authentic, coolkidsroom surprisingly maintains an email account (coolkidsroom.blog@gmail.com) in case anyone wants to give us some feedback. As I was going through the usually spam and junk mail, I was amazed to find an email that was personally addressed to us.

Anyways, I’d thought I share it with everyone.

Subject: Your #1 Fan!!
From: “Adam Banks” gangstertothemax@hotmail.com
Date: Wed, July 30, 2008 10:29 pm
To: coolkidsroom.blog@gmail.com
Priority: Normal

Dear CommanderCacho, Nazer, Just Ray, and Adonis, aka the Coolest Kids in the Room!!!!!11

Hi, my name’s Adam and I’m from Minneapolis, Minnesota. I know you guys don’t know me, but I have to say, me and my buddies love your site! I’ve only found Cool Kids Room maybe a month ago, but ever since then I’ve read every single post in the archives up till now!! Probably the most hilarious, clever, yet insightful blog I’ve ever read.

You guys are probably wondering how I came across coolkidsroom. It actually happened by accident, and in a really odd way. Well, I guess me and my buddies were bored one day so we decided to have fun with Google and just search for the most randomest things we could think of and see the results.

In one of our searches, we typed in the words, FATASS, MUSIC, VIDEO GAMES, NERD, BONER, SADAM HUSSEIN, and then we threw in BUKKAKE just for fun.

But then, after hitting ‘search’, we were all confused when your guys’ site came up. Still, after looking through it for a bit, we were hooked! A lucky string of words or not, I’m glad we found this blog. Keep up the good work!!

Your #1 Fan,
Adam Banks

P.S. – I’m just curious, but is that guy “Lance” whos mentioned a lot.. is that actually CommanderCacho?? Either way, I sure wish you guys posted more pictures of him :D

Thanks Adam, this post is dedicated to you and your buddies up in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It's people like you who inspire me to write, and in turn, start posting again. Even if you did come across us by accident, it makes me proud to know that we're able to make a positive impact to kids half-way across the country. And of course, here’s a pic of that mysterious “Lance” guy, just for you.



Enjoy!

The Gayest Post of All-Time

A couple months ago, the Cappletini posted her Top 10 Female crushes. Well here you have it, in no particular order, Lance's MAN CRUSHES:

USHER

When he's not going crazy during interviews or having a diva moment during a guest performance, Usher is holding it down as the most consistent solo R&B act over the last year ten years. My second time seeing him live last night (hope you saw my mug on TV cause Alexand did) confirms that yours truly probably gets a little too excited for a performance by someone who is not a stripper at Cheetahs.

INDIANA JONES

I was tempted to just put Harrison Ford but realized he is quite boring in real life and even though Han Solo is one of my favorite movie characters of all time, he managed to get himself frozen in carbonite. Indy on the otherhand would have delivered a right cross to Vader, and would have dropkicked Boba Fett's ass into the freezer on his way out because that's how he rolls. This guy is everything I want to be: he's smart, witty, has mad game (always gets the girl), and can kick ass.

LaDainian Tomlinson

The face of the franchise that I care most about, LT is probably the best thing to happen to San Diego football. Sure, he's the league's best all-around running back, but you're leaving out a smile that lights up the room, a charming southern accent, and that "aw-shucks" sense of humility. Let's just hope that the real LT shows up this season and not the LADAIKNEEIN-JURY from last year's playoffs. (-1 for poor pun)

I better stop now before I start second-guessing my sexuality anymore than I already am.

Why the COOL KIDS should NEVER think about becoming famous...

In light of Adonis' recent expose on Ramiele's naughty pictures, and how they will likely be blown out of proportion by the media, I thought it'd be interesting to take a look at an alternative universe. In this strange world, we are all famous, and this is what some of our picture scandals would look like complete with an excerpt from the accompanying article

RAY

Renowned spoken word artist and writer, Ray, will have to answer lots of questions after a photo surfaced of him with the finest in fufu drinks in hand. Usually known for his raging masculinity, fans are bewildered by what appears to be his love of Parrot Bay.

but it gets worse

ADONIS

Popular newspaper columnist, Adonis, could be facing a potential scandal after a man who claims to be an ex-boyfriend of his released pictures of what he claims to be Adonis' pre-buttsex ritual of wearing tight thermals and taking "homosexual looking pictures". The man's identity is unknown and he simply goes by the alias, 'Seadonkey'.

but the most scandalous of all

LANCE

Competitive eating champion, Lance, is embroiled in a high profile scandal with what appears to be a homosexual relationship with star Philadelphia Soul Tight End, Nelson, of the Arena Football League. Seen here with his supple titties being passionately grabbed by the football star, this incident could put his eating career in jeopardy. Rumors have surfaced of a picture involving some kind of menagerie with columnist, Adonis.

And by rumors, I mean we have it right here.



In conclusion, I never want to be fucking famous. I advise all the young'ns to never drink if you don't want dumbass pictures of yourself on facebook. Fuck the media. Fuck alcohol. And fuck Nazer for not having one embarassing photo in my pictures album.