30 Rock is still on television

Oh how I love Tina Fey, and just the same, her show 30 Rock. I caught on to 30 Rock late in 2007 during its first season, and ever since I’ve been watching the show religiously.

Despite being critically acclaimed and winning almost every television award imaginable, from Emmys, Golden Globes, to SAG honors, 30 Rock has struggled miserably to capture ratings, which are vital to keeping a series alive for a next season. (After winning their first Emmy for “Outstanding Comedy Series,” Tina Fey made sure to thank the “dozens and dozens of viewers” during her acceptance speech. Hah!)

Just ask the sad, defeated fans of short-lived shows like Bionic Woman (1 season), Cavemen (also 1 season), or that ridiculous Friends spin-off Joey (2 seasons). Then again, why anyone would watch a show featuring Joey Tribbiani in the first place still troubles me. Even shows that should-of-been television classics, like Saved by the Bell: The College Years, lasted only 1 season before getting the axe due to low ratings. Poor Slater.

Now in its 3rd season, 30 Rock has slowly but surely, picked up the pace in ratings and has already been renewed by NBC for another season; its rise in popularity thanks in large part to the show’s guest star-power (i.e. Jennifer Anniston, Oprah, Salma Hayek) and of course, through the hard work of Ms. Fey. Likewise, Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan, and the rest of the ensemble cast are comedy gold.

Either way, I still recommend this show (Thursday nights at 9:30 PM) to anyone with a goofy sense of humor, and being a comedy series, it should be relatively easy to pick up.

Tonight’s episode also definitely looks like to be a keeper, especially with stud-actor Jon Hamm of Mad Men set to make a guest appearance as a romantic interest to Fey’s character, Liz Lemon. Salma Hayek also reprises her role.

Here’s a preview:

30 Rock – Episode: Generalissimo

"Sorry I smell like frosting, I just love to bake..."

That should be me!! WAHHHHH

Anyways, that ends my last, futile attempt to convince the world that 30 Rock is worth watching. If you do happen to give the show a try, I hope you enjoy it. If not, you’re probably not weird enough. (Really)

[Pregnant Cornbread]

DISNEY CHICKS: Who is Top Tier?

Lets say, in another alternate universe, all the Disney Princesses were real people; possibly just the girl next door, walking around, doing their thing, and they all just so happened to be single and on the market. How would they fair in today’s world? Who would you consider? After hours of tense deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s only one Disney girl out there for me. But before revealing my decision, here’s how the others would have faired.

Ariel, aka the Little Mermaid

She’s a great singer, an exceptional swimmer, and especially goal-oriented. For instance, one of her ambitions was to grow feet; that alone can say a lot about a person’s character. So what’s the problem? Unfortunately, she’s a fucking mermaid. She’s a freak, a mutant; she has fins for legs. Not to be a hater or anything, and while mixed-women tend to be some of the most attractive girls out there, going out with Ariel would present a number of potential problems – I’d have a tough time being romantic while having to push her ass around in a shopping cart all day.

Plus, are dates on land would be limited to trips to Sea World, where I’m certain the other fish would jock on her and steal my thunder. Damn you Shamu. Also, I’m not that great of a swimmer myself, and visits to her house unda da sea would be difficult. Not to mention, her overprotective hard-ass daddy, King Triton, is probably every guy’s worst nightmare.

(Eating dinner with her parents)
King Triton: So, Adonis… your name is ‘Adonis,’ correct?

Me: (nervously) Uh, yes sir, it is.

King Triton: Adonis eh? What kind of queer name is Adonis anyways?

Me: Umm, well it’s uh –

King Triton: (interrupting) Nevermind that. So Ariel tells me you go to UCSD, Home of the, “Tritons?”

Me: (excidetly) Oh yes sir! It’s great, our mascot is named after you –

King Triton: (interrupting again) HUH? What kind of nonsense is that? Are you saying my honorable name is being used for a school full of scrawny nerds and sissy-men? HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME??

Me: (awkward silence) Uhh… sorry Ariel, I forgot, I actually gotta go...

But hey, who can forget about…
Pocahontas

Tall, athletic, caring, and peace-loving; It’s easy to see why she stands above the competition. However, her fanatical environmentalism and obsession with safeguarding Mother Earth would eventually push me over the edge. Plus she seems to dig white guys.

(Trying to find a place to eat)
Me: Babe, we’ve been driving around forever, why can’t I just pick this time?

Pocahontas: (angrily) For the last time, don’t EVER call me babe. How many times do I have to tell you, we are all Mother Nature’s children. I am no more special than you, that rock, or that tree. And why don’t we just eat at Souplantation again? That sounds good doesn’t it?

Me: (irritated) C’mon, I’m so sick of eating salad. That’s all you want to eat. Vegetables and shit. Why can’t we get something better to eat for once, like some fried chicken. Hell yeah, that sounds good. I’m down for some Popeyes.

Pocahontas: (stunned) I can’t believe you just said that... Take me back to Mother Willow’s. I will not eat at a restaurant that butchers and slays innocent beings! Cuz’ I know every rock and tree and creature, has a life, has a spirit, has a NAAAAMMMEE... (starts to sing the rest of “Colors of the Wind”)

Me: Stop, stop. O.k., o.k., I get it, I’m sorry. I was just joking around, I love animals. We’ll go to Souplantation… (Car suddenly stops.) What the hell. Ah shit, the battery’s dead again. Fuck these piece of shit electric cars! (I slam on the steering wheel, reach into my pocket, and pull out a cigarette)

Pocahontas: What… are you doing… (Starts to tear up) The other day I catch you littering, and now this? Polluting the air?? You said you quit!! Justin was right about you, you don’t care about Mother Earth at all!

Me: Wait, what? Justin? You’ve been talking to him again? What’s with you and white guys?? (Shaking her head, she gets up out of the car) Babe! Come back here, I’m sorry all right! Get back in here! (She runs off into the woods, sobbing)

Me: (yelling) Fine then! Go be ahead and run off with that white dude, John, Judd, Smith, whatever the fuck his name is. See if I care. Once I get this shit started I’m going to McDonalds and ordering the whole fucking menu. You here me! Bitch!

So things between me and her didn’t work out, but hey, there’s always…
Belle, of Beauty and the Beast

She seems like a sure-thing – She’s intelligent, open-minded, loves her family, and evidently she doesn’t care too much about looks. Yeah, Belle seems perfect… if it wasn’t for this hulking motherfucker right here:


Basically, the only negative about her, besides her apparent beastiality, is having to deal with an angry ex-boyfriend who could quite literally hunt you down and rip your head off. Is she worth it? Maybe, maybe not, but I sure hell wouldn't risk it.

Honorable mentions:
Cinderella – Too much of a junkie for my tastes. Besides a habit of talking to rats named “Gus Gus”, her ride is a pimped-out giant pumpkin, and her outfits tend to incorporate scandalous glass heels.

Sleeping Beauty – What a lazy ass. She just sleeps all day.

Snow White – Hell no, she’s probably the closest thing to a whore out of the bunch. Not only is she a complete ditz for taking food from complete strangers, and getting into trouble, but she happens to live in a house with SEVEN other dudes! There’s no fun with Dopey and the gang always tagging along.


Mulan – No Asian bias here. With so many manly features, she looks too much like a dude. A dude I might add, who could easily kung fu my ass.

So after careful consideration, the winner goes to…
Princess Jasmine

Really, what guy can resist Princess Jasmine, who is definitely Disney’s cream of the crop. Not only is she one exotic women and often scantily clad, she has a fiery personality that makes her just as appealing. She also happens to be loaded, living large in a ballin’ palace, and could very well be the perfect sugar mamma. But what really separates her from the rest has to be the fact that despite her material wealth and possibility of being a stuck-up rich kid, she nevertheless, isn’t quick to judge.

Perfect (and only) example:
Aladdin – He is, without question, a scrub. A STREET RAT. He has no money, no car, his pad is a dump, and his best friend is a monkey. Jasmine however, did not take these issues into account, and in the end, the dirt poor Aladdin still won her over through his charm, good-nature, and pure determination. With that said, Princess Jasmine is definitely top tier.

More Links!

So the Cool Kids Blogosphere has collectively decided to provide all of us with fresh new content in the days leading up to UC final exams. By the way, this is something we all should have read a long time ago.

• Nelson discusses what will truly be an end of an era over at Walking Contradiction. I will never be able to eat at Oscar's again (not for fucking full price!). We have all been spoiled by your generous decision to trap yourself at a job you hated for years; all I can say is thank you for loading me up with carbs to last me a lifetime.
  
• At X-tra Medium, Rawfreakme shares his favorites from DJ Mike Rizzy.


• Alexand recaps his recent birthday trip to Vegas at Chasing the Coup. Missing though, is the part where he got drunk, ripped his shirt off in slow motion, tied it around his head, and re-enacted this scene from Kickboxer.

• Reader Tiffany wants you to check out Wooster Collective if you you're still feelin artsy fartsy.


• Speaking of artsy fartsy, Kuya Justin did what everyone does when he bought a new camera. He started a photo blog inspired by the late patriarch of our family.
  
• Finally, the blogosphere has been in a fervor over the latest posts from the only ladies on that right toolbar. First, Melody transcribes a heated debate between the girls and guys at 198 with her own commentary. Said debate left me wanting to do this by the end...

JUS KIDDING!

• The Capinator followed up with what makes a man sexy, leaving out the obvious stuff like washboard abs or exceptional Rock Band skills.

And for good measure, one more video to share from those crazy Japanese:

Why the COOL KIDS should NEVER think about becoming famous...

In light of Adonis' recent expose on Ramiele's naughty pictures, and how they will likely be blown out of proportion by the media, I thought it'd be interesting to take a look at an alternative universe. In this strange world, we are all famous, and this is what some of our picture scandals would look like complete with an excerpt from the accompanying article

RAY

Renowned spoken word artist and writer, Ray, will have to answer lots of questions after a photo surfaced of him with the finest in fufu drinks in hand. Usually known for his raging masculinity, fans are bewildered by what appears to be his love of Parrot Bay.

but it gets worse

ADONIS

Popular newspaper columnist, Adonis, could be facing a potential scandal after a man who claims to be an ex-boyfriend of his released pictures of what he claims to be Adonis' pre-buttsex ritual of wearing tight thermals and taking "homosexual looking pictures". The man's identity is unknown and he simply goes by the alias, 'Seadonkey'.

but the most scandalous of all

LANCE

Competitive eating champion, Lance, is embroiled in a high profile scandal with what appears to be a homosexual relationship with star Philadelphia Soul Tight End, Nelson, of the Arena Football League. Seen here with his supple titties being passionately grabbed by the football star, this incident could put his eating career in jeopardy. Rumors have surfaced of a picture involving some kind of menagerie with columnist, Adonis.

And by rumors, I mean we have it right here.



In conclusion, I never want to be fucking famous. I advise all the young'ns to never drink if you don't want dumbass pictures of yourself on facebook. Fuck the media. Fuck alcohol. And fuck Nazer for not having one embarassing photo in my pictures album.

Ramiele Malubay, EXPOSED

A Cool Kids Room Exclusive... The Ramiele Malubay Scandal!

The current pride of the PI, Ramiele Malubay, is apparently in some “deep shit.” Recently, there has been a set of controversial pictures floating around on the internet which critics claim, jeopardize her capacity on American Idol. Several gossip sites, such as this one, have been leaking the photos, commenting on its ‘scandalous’ and risque nature.

Disclaimer: What you’re about to see is not for the faint of heart. If so, I advise you to put the kids to bed, cover your eyes, and skip to the next section, for they represent the worst of the human condition. These shocking photographs prove that Ramiele is past any chance at redemption, and her standing as a contestant on American Idol is, without question, inexcusable.




OMG!

...And yeah… back to reality – I really hope I catch a segment on Fox News about this “scandal,” or get to hear Bill O’Reilly rant about how unforgivable these photos are, and even better, hear him denounce Ramiele and complain about how she should be kicked off the show. “There is no reason she should be on American idol! – Do you want Ramiele being a role model for your children?? – This is un-American!” Then, after the program, they’d follow up with a special investigation story on the state of the Philippines, making sure to mention that the country is full of terrorists plotting to kill Americans; Then, they’d run another special segment, “Filipino youth in America - Where is this country headed?”

Moreover, it seems a lot of the other contestants this season have made headlines due to their ‘controversial’ backgrounds. One of the other top 12 finalists, David Hernandez, allegedly used to work at a gay strip club as a bartender and performer.

But this supposed Ramiele Malubay scandal reminds me a lot of a similar situation a few years back, when Fantasia Barrino won American Idol. The controversy stemmed from revelations that she was a high-school dropout, a 19-year-old single mother, and rumored to be illiterate. Critics, haterade drinkers, and those still living in the 1950’s were concerned that she was a poor role model for youth and her background was ‘unfit’ for a proclaimed American Idol.

While I can agree that being a high-school dropout and illiterate is far from being in the best of circumstances, I thought it was uncalled for and disrespectful to judge her based on her history, especially how the media hyped it up. Whether you want to blame black people, the government, or runaway fathers – that’s just the reality of America; not everyone grows up in the ideal or fabricated America where everyone lives behind white picket fences. Perhaps she is a reflection of America in the 21st century, although some people ignore the fact that people like Fantasia do exist, and ignore the truth that not everyone can live by that expected American standard.

To me, while I’m not much of a fan of her singing, have utmost respect for Fantasia for being able to put up with all that shit. Also, her being a single-mother and still being able to pursue her dreams as an artist is something to be much-admired. More power to her.

And back to Ramiele... it will be ridiculous if the media hypes up the story to the extreme; although if I was her, I wouldn’t be too worried. In all certainty, those leaked photos might actual help her in the voting. So to Ramiele, keep on reppin, and good luck tonight. (you are hot by the way.)

Sports Illustrated Jacko...SWIMSUIT ISSUE 2008

Sports Illustrated released its annual Swimsuit issue to newsstands today. You won't find me rushing there today because thanks to the wonders of the internet, I can avoid that awkward feeling when checking out.

The Swimsuit Issue isn't quite the cultural phenomenon nowadays with titties and cabooses running amok in the daily media, yet it still manages to cause a hooplah amongst supporters and antagonizers alike.

Personally, I will just appreciate it for what it is. In this case, that means more pictures of the lovely Jarah Mariano, everyone's favorite asian supermodel, and the subject of quasi-lesbian fantasies everywhere.

Enjoy...I know I will.

First IMAGE MACRO ever!

An image macro is a funny picture with another equally funny caption super-imposed on it. They've been made famous by the SomethingAwful forums, http://icanhascheezburger.com/ which has funny cats and shit, and http://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/ , one of my favorite football blogs.

With explaination and due credit for inspiration over with, I now promise to try to never use a nerdy ass internet term like IMAGE MACRO again.