'Moneyball' Trailer

I remember when Bring It On came out and it was followed in a few years by Drumline and critics said it was like Bring it On for band geeks.

From the looks of the first trailer, The Social Network scribe, Aaron Sorkin, and a few others wrote a screenplay that feels like The Social Network for baseball geeks.

Based on the best-selling book, Moneyball tells the story of Oakland A's manager Billy Beane and how he made a championship contending team for pennies on the dollar using advanced statistics, called 'sabremetrics' in baseball nerd jargon. By ignoring scouting techniques used for over a century, Moneyball and its sabermetric strategies caused a rift in the baseball community between old-school traditionalists and new-school math whizzes.

There are some fair criticisms to be made about Beane's strategies and how much of them actually worked and how much of his success was just luck. What can't be argued against, though, is how sabermetrics have permeated baseball culture, not only through the fantasy baseball game that nerds like Adonis and I play, but in the statistical analysis that takes place in every major league front office.

There was a great article posted last week about "Moneyball 2.0" on Grantland. The writer, Bill Barnwell, detailed how sabermetrics and Billy Beane's notion of "Moneyball" have evolved over the years and how teams have been able to maximize wins against each dollar spent. Worth a read if only because last year's overachieving San Diego Padres are used in nearly every example he uses.

As far as the movie goes, after toiling in development hell for some time, it looks like it has a lot of potential. Nazer and I were huge fans of The Social Network, and I'll watch anything that Aaron Sorkin attaches his name to (The American President is one of the greatest romantic comedies of all time).

There's a fat guy played by Jonah Hill who wows powerful people with his smarts? Lightning fast "walk and talk" dialogue along with nerdy baseball-isms? I'm not sure I can find anything to dislike there.

EMO: Farewell Grandpa Hoffman

It's Official.

Unlike high school, rumors in Major League Baseball are mostly true - Trevor Hoffman will no longer be closing/blowing games for the San Diego Padres. What seemed like a perfect match, evidenced by a warm, loving relationship that lasted over 15 years, ended in a dramatic break-up after last season, with the Padres front office and Hoffman walking away from each other bitter and angry.

I was always hoping that the couple would work out their differences (apparently Hoffman felt disrespected and the Padres felt he was a gold digger and getting lousy on the mound) and kiss & make up, but at this point it seems like both sides have moved on for good; especially Hoffman, who has already found a rebound in the Milwaukee Brewers.

On September 27th of last year, with only two games left to finish a terrible season, I was fortunate enough to watch the Padres beat the Pittsburgh Pirates 3-2 at Petco, a game highlighted by Hoffman closing out the top of the 9th in a quick, 1-2-3 inning. That officially would be Hoffman's last save and appearance of 2008.

While I had a feeling that night might of been that last time I would get to witness Trevor Time, (there was already rumors flying around that he could retire) I never imagined he would ever pitch for another team.

The prospect of THE Trevor Hoffman wearing an alien uniform, without SD on his cap, and the idea of "AC/DC - Hell's Bells" being played in another stadium makes me want to throw up.

Lots of good (and sometimes bad) memories watching Hoffy play, but the one memory that easily comes to mind definitely has to be in 2006, when I was lucky enough to witness his 478th save at San Diego, also putting him on top as MLB's all-time saves leader. I remember the place going nuts as I fumbled around with the camera, trying to capture the historic moment.

Blah, I guess I jinxed myself into this heartbreak.

Fuckin Padres: On Life Support? (May 1, 2008)

Save for another playoff run, Hoffman has little more to prove or show for, as he already leads the All-time Saves list, a milestone that took 15 years in the making. Regardless, Trevor Time and the days of hearing Hell’s Bells ring in San Diego, not to mention watching one of the most dominant closers in baseball history play, are running short.

Sigh.

There is of course, much more to be said about the 2nd greatest player in Padre's history, (or the greatest player in Padre's history, if you happen to be a Tony Gwynn hater) but it'll have to wait; the news is still fresh and the emoness has already kicked in...

Fuckin padres man.

[San Diego Union Tribune]

Fuckin Padres: Oh yeah, fuck you too Jim Edmonds

Fuckin Padres. I admit, I was fairly pleased when I first heard the news that the Padres signed former Cardinals superstar and 8-time gold glover Jim Edmonds to play centerfield. I mean, why not? This guy for years has repeatedly fucked us over during his tenure with St. Louis, making spectacular dives and over the shoulder grabs in a Swan Lake fashion, robbing our paltry hitters for all of their worth.

Problem is, I had no idea he could still fuck us over even in a Padres uniform.

The brittle 37-year-old Edmonds was released by the Padres after just 6-weeks into season with nothing to show for but plenty of strikeouts and dropped balls.

Apparently, the Padres’ front office felt Edmonds was doing more harm than good, a notion supported by his pathetic .178 batting average and his miserable defensive play which essentially made him useless. They were also willing to cough up 4 million dollars worth of Edmonds’ contract, as compensation for kicking the washed-up outfielder to the curb. Edmonds now returns to St. Louis a hero, his secret mission to infiltrate and destroy the Padres organization from within all but complete.

The sad part is, while no one expected Edmonds to make any real offensive contributions, I for one, hoped to watch him make at least a few brilliant catches before blowing out his knee, or, I guess in his loser-case, getting kicked off the team just for being a total bust. Instead, he leaves us with zero highlight reel appearances, a question mark in centerfield, 4 million dollars down the drain, and another embarrassing stain on the Padres ‘08 season.

For the sad little Padre fan, fear not; since Edmonds’ departure, the freaky friars have made adjustments to the batting order, winning 3 of the past 4 games, and at least have a centerfield replacement in Jody “I will always be mediocre” Gerut. Plus, with several moves to the overall team roster, Edmonds will soon just be an unpleasant, but forgetful memory.

What could have been... (Just imagine blue in place of all the red)


Since everything in sports can be attributed to superstition and jinxes, I firmly believe that the centerfield position for the Padres is legitimately CURSED ever since Petco Park’s conception in 2004.

No Padre has been able to consistently play the position, or for that matter, handle the spacious baseball hell that is Pecto's centerfield.

2008: Jim Edmonds, Jody Gerut?


The washed-up Edmonds in his short-stint probably gave up more hits playing centerfield than the Padres’ offense could probably muster all year. Still, he obviously wasn’t our first choice to play center for San Diego this season; remember Japanese import Kaisuke Fukudome? Speaking of Fuck-u-do-me, he is currently hitting .321 for Chicago while winning the hearts of Cubs fans with his determination and winning attitude. Fuckin Padres man.

2007: Mike Cameron, now with the Milwaukee Brewers


Oh how I miss thee Mike Cameron. He was probably the only Padre closest to taming Petco’s beast-like centerfield, but the aforementioned curse prevented him from playing in last year's one-game-playoff where we needed him most, as he was forced to sit out with an injured thumb. Ex-Padre and true goat Brady Clark attempted to help take centerstage that night, and coincidentally, missed several potential outs with his shaky defense despite not even playing in San Diego. The Pads would eventually lose the game 8-9 and miss the playoffs as a result of his and the rest of the team's fuck-ups. Fuck you Matt Holliday, fuck you. And you too Brady Clark.

2006 & 2005: Dave Roberts, now with San Francisco


The blackanese Dave Roberts patrolled centerfield during these years, and while he was a fan favorite and a speedster on the basepaths, his defense was suspect, especially in Petco’s cavernous outfield.

2004:
Jay Payton…what trash, he fell way short of expectations, and he is not even worth talking about. Fucking garbage machine.

Before Petco:
Ironically, before moving from Qualcomm to the newly built Petco Park, the Pads’ 2003 opening-day roster included names such as Jason Bay, Mark Kotsay, Shane Victorino, and Gary Matthews Jr., all of whom are capable outfielders and now making spectacular plays for other teams... I guess they forgot to bring one of these guys along for the ride downtown. Fuckin Padres.

*Update: Edmonds to the Chicago Cubs? Really??

Fuckin Padres: On life support?

Fuckin Padres. 5 weeks into the season, it comes to no surprise that the San Diego Padres are exactly where they left off last year… as LOSERS. Currently the freaky friars sit on a pathetic 11-17* record, struggling to gain a foothold in a competitively-agonizing division that’s characterized by some of the worst offensive numbers as a team, and by a lackluster bullpen led by none other than Grandpa Hoffman himself, only one-year removed from being one of the best in baseball.

In all fairness, many of our players aren’t living up to their full potential as evidenced in the past. Likewise, there remains much baseball left to be played, meaning things can turn around for the Pads in a hurry as long as the Swinging Friar can lay off the Asian girls. Still, temper your expectations going forward, as it seems the team is still hungover from last season’s heartbreaking debacle. Fuck you Matt Holliday, fuck you.

Why you should still be keepin’ the faith

Jake Peavy and Mark Prior


If there is one player on the Padres that can carry the team on his back and single handily lead them to another playoff berth, it has to be the 2007 Cy Young Winner and home-grown hero Jake Peavy. You really have to feel bad for the guy though – all he does is go out there and pitch brilliantly, even hitting better than half his teammates, but ends up having to watch his team go to shit time and time again. Still, I have confidence that his demi-god powers alone will salvage the Padres season from total embarrassment.

Off-season addition Mark Prior also boasts superhuman powers like Peavy, being a dominant hurler and owning batters with an impressive arsenal of power pitches... but that was 5 long years ago. Since then, the San Diego native has been plagued by injuries and bad luck, and is currently rotting away on the disabled list in hopes of returning by mid-summer.

There is hope though, even if he is made of glass. The Padres have always worked well in developing their pitching staff, and if Prior can return to even a shell of his former self would be huge; his 2003 numbers alone were on par with Peavy’s Cy Young campaign of last year. Thus, Prior is the Padres’ low-risk high-reward secret weapon; capable of improving an already quality starting rotation as long as he and stella can get their groove back.

Trevor Hoffman and Greg Maddux


2008 may also be the last opportunity to watch two of baseball’s all-time greats and future Hall-of-Famers, Grandpa Hoffman and Grandpa Maddux, respectively, both of whom just recently joined AARP. The two of them are only signed through this season, so whether they choose to retire, or move on to another team, or if the Padres decide to re-sign them, is still up to much speculation.

My guess with Mad Dog is he’ll still pitch for one or two more years at most before moving on to his Professional Poker career, but not in a Padres uniform – most likely with an eager team in serious contention as quality starters are becoming hard to come by. Also, because the pricy Maddux has been playing since the end of the Cold War, re-signing him seems very unlikely, especially for the stingy-minded Padres.

On the bright side, Maddux seems to have taught his young grasshopper Peavy everything he knows, so his work in San Diego is complete. But despite being at the end of his career, don’t let his goofy appearance fool you; Maddux is still the grand wizard of pitching, and still amazing to watch even as a senior citizen.



Hoffman on the other hand, is someone that I feel will finally hang up the glove by season’s end. While he had a terrible April last year as well and still ended the season with elite numbers, he and his signature leg kick no longer strikes that same fear into batters as it once did. Also, now that his ‘fastball’ is the same velocity as his changeup, his ability to close games is becoming more of a coin-flip than the sure-thing of the past, which is painful to watch for any fan. Of course, no Padres fan wants to see the San Diego favorite call it quits, but even then I’d rather see him retire and bring some stability back to bullpen, and at least not in another team’s uniform.

Save for another playoff run, (which the Padres should be able to pull off this season...) Hoffman has little more to prove or show for, as he already leads the All-time Saves list, a milestone that took 15 years in the making. Regardless, Trevor Time and the days of hearing Hell’s Bells ring in San Diego, not to mention watching one of the most dominant closers in baseball history play, are running short.

*Note: O.K. so we did win yesterday, but the opposing pitcher is also an old geezer like Hoffman and Maddux - hopefully it’s a positive sign of things to come.

They might as well be murdering kittens

The Padres are breaking my heart right now. Considering the struggles of Grandpa Hoffman (seen above, looking desparately in need of a cane) and our lame excuse for an offense, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Sitting in last place in the NL West, 9 games behind the D-Backs, we're struggling early to say the least. We still have outstanding starting pitching, so we're far from out of it. If things don't turn around though, you can find me drowning my sorrows in a bottle of sake, wondering what could've been another first round playoff exit.

Farewell Chargers/Constance...

It's the classic tale of David and Goliath; the big, bad bully picking on the little guy, or in a more contemporary comparison, like Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller battling it out in the movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story!” (Note: one of the greatest movies of all time, IMO.)

Only in this case, the seemingly invincible juggernaut known as the New England Patriots were not embarrassed by a dashing, archetypal hero of the ages, but rather, by a goofy, awkward looking, sissy-man sometimes referred to as Elisha. It couldn’t have ended any better.

To think, after growing up reading inspirational literature and listening to the wise words of elders, 10 years from now I might have had to tell my children… “Son, nobody’s perfect… except Tom Brady." And to think, only 3 points made the difference between worshipping the Patriots as demi-gods, to arguably one of the biggest upsets in sports history. For any football fan, the amazing story of the Patriot’s fall-from-grace, in combination with one hell of a game, proved that Super Bowl XLII was indeed a memorable one.

...Unless of course, your one of the many disgruntled Chargers fans. While there was much to be proud of this season (i.e. the emergence of Antonio Cromartie, reaching the AFC Championship, etc.), there’s no question that the result of the New York Giant’s victory on Sunday left a bittersweet end to things. For instance, the fact that Eli Manning, the too-good for San Diego quarterback, now boasts a Super Bowl ring, after defeating a team the Chargers had an opportunity to beat themselves... But hey, at least Chargers fans can take comfort in the fact that Boston is probably up in flames right now.

On a personal note, it has also come to my attention that I’ve been stubbornly holding on to a certain Charger Girl for way too long, and her tenure as my wallpaper is way overdue. With the 2007-08 NFL season pretty much in a denouement, I must accept the cold, harsh, reality that the football season is over, and her place on my desktop is no longer necessary.

This is a sad day indeed, but I feel it’s only appropriate that I share the wealth and make one last, fitting tribute in her full-glory. Enter, CONSTANCE... (and schedule). Enjoy.



With that out of the way... Fuck you Eli, good season Chargers, farewell Constance.

Something is inherently missing.. (with tongue-in-cheek)

Proposal:

If one was to define the coolkidsroom family as a collaboration of writers, affiliates, and readers with a variety of hopes and dreams for this blog, but with the collective intent of entertaining, self-enjoyment, venting, combating boredom, and addressing issues, then one can also assume that coolkidsroom is also… a TEAM!!!

In sum, this sorry-attempt at essentially, a useless dissertation is my lame excuse for discussing the following idea: Since we’re all in this together, and because we’re essentially a TEAM, it’s no question that also, just like a sports team, every team needs a…

MASCOT!!! woooohoooooo

Yep, a mascot is much needed. If Disney has Mickey Mouse, XBOX has Master Chief, the Padres have the Friar, the Steelers have Steely McBeam, D.A.R.E. has a lame-o lion, and if Subway has that fatass Jared, what about coolkidsroom?

After a little brainstorming, I’ve compiled a short list of possible poster-boys that would best-represent and embrace the overall “feel” of this blog. In no way, shape or form is this a list of definite or restricted possibilities; instead, I hope others could help me critique and comment on my suggestions, or even better, come up with their own potential mascots.

My Top 5 Candidates:

JAMAL WILLIAMS

The 350 lb. Pro-Bowl defensive tackle of the Chargers, a 10-year veteran of the NFL who eats blockers for lunch, runningbacks for dinner, and QB’s for dessert.

Why: Besides just being a badass, Jamal Williams personifies everything coolkidsroom is and has to offer; an unstoppable force, rock solid performances, hard-work ethic, selfless teamplay, longevity, and a fatass’s love for food.

Why not: Picking Williams would mean playing favorites among Chargers players, since all of them are well-qualified for the mascot gig. (except for Legadu loser Nanee). Furthermore, his intimidating glare alone would scare off our more ‘sensitive’ readers.

THE D.A.R.E. LION

The cute, cuddly, but bipedal freak of nature that is exploited by the Pigs to attract unsuspecting kids into a life of drug-abstinence.

Why: He has a rich history (1,2,3) at coolkidsroom, being the butt-end of many jokes, so it is with a sense of loyalty and obligation that we pay homage to his prolonged suffering. As a bonus, in case the feds come sniffing around for obscene material, they’ll just pass us up as another dedicated anti-drug website when they see him smiling back at them.

Why not: He’s pathetic. Likewise, he’s failed miserably on his quest to prevent our generation from drug abuse. (i.e. See all the names on the column to the right)

TINA FEY

The smart, talented, funny, and attractive Emmy-award winner & nominee, writer of Mean Girls, former SNL cast member & head writer, and mastermind and star of 30 Rock. In sum, the most gorgeous women on earth.

Why: Because I have an unhealthy obsession with her.

Why not: Because I have an unhealthy obsession with her.

CALIFORNIA BURRITOS

Delicious morsels of carne asada and French fries, with pockets of cheese and sour cream; all wrapped in a warm tortilla for a savory meal of Mexican-inspired goodness. Found at a Taco Shop near you. Typically accompanied with hot sauce, and often enjoyed following a night of excessive alcohol consumption.

Why: This burrito captures the essence of the Southern California culture and lifestyle of our generation. Plus, coolkidsroom and family owe much to the legendary Cali Burrito for our continued nutritional growth (and deterioration).

Why not: We would all gain 15 more lbs. due to unwarranted cravings caused by the Cali Burrito’s constant image.

LANCE

aka our very own CommanderCacho. San Diego born-and-raised and former Prom King of Mt. Carmel High School, he now currently attends UCI.

Why: He’s Lance damnit! If with any doubt, spend an entire day with Lance and a bottle of Hennessey, and experience his funness for yourself.

Why not: The real-life Lance would probably get mad. He’s probably mad at me right now as he reads this.

I’ll probably narrow down these choices and other suggestions later. Decisions, decisions.

Best,
Adonis

CRY MORE NOOB

Weekend Wrapup:


Chargers kick ASS

Give credit to the Chargers’ and their photographers, this picture is a masterpiece. Poor Vince Young, I can almost see the tears swell up in his eyes as he holds his fatass runningback ever so gently. I get the notion that after the game, Philp Rivers, being a dick as usually, ran with his notorious trash-talking mouth for another week in a row… He must’ve said some really mean things, as it appears Lendale White got his feelings hurt pretty bad as he rushed to cry on Young’s shoulder. “Don’t worry baby, he can’t hurt you anymore…”

While I am a firm believer in sportsmanship and conducting yourself with a sense of “class” like good ol’ LT, San Diego’s triumph over the Tennessee Titans could make me care less. While this matchup at the Q wasn’t the most impressive or prettiest of wins, (e.g. LT managed only 42 yards on the ground and Antonio Gates became a casualty of war after stubbing his big toe) it was a satisfying PLAYOFF victory, nonetheless, and there’s much more to be overjoyed about along with this win.

Mainly, my jumping for joy and cheap shots towards Titans fans stems from the fact that a San Diego sports teams has finally gotten over this time-honored San Diego tradition of teasing with a promising regular season, and then LOSING disastrously early on in the playoffs, as recent history of the Chargers and Padres suggest. Likewise, a loss would’ve thrown the city in chaos, as this defeat would’ve coupled with the Padres' pathetic meltdown (this day sucked) to the Colorado Rockies only a few months earlier, resulting in impending dark times for San Diego. Besides being shited on by the media, the coaching situation would be in disarray, A.J. Smith’ life in jeopardy, the crime rate would rise, the economy in shambles, and for some reason there’d be another crazy wildfire.

Of course, one could argue that the REAL matchup is still to come, as the Chargers head to Indianapolis to play against the defending Super Bowl Champs. The Colts present a stiff challenge for obvious reasons; Unlike Vince Young, Peyton Manning is white and actually knows how to pass. Plus, the Colt’s boast a respectable D, (allowed the fewest point per game and ranked 3rd as an overall defense) and will have the porn star-mustached tight end, Dallas Clark, as well as Manning’s partner-in-crime wide reciever, Marvin Harrison, both available at his disposal.

Regardless of the tougher matchup, I hope to see a lot of this next Sunday:

Fuck You, Do Me

Fuckin Padres man. Apparently we were one of the last 2 teams in the running to get Japanese stud OF Kaisuke FUKUDOME. Of course the Padres dropped the ball again with a free agent and hes getting shipped off to the Cubs. Looks like we can look forward to another season of the whole "fuck offense, let our pitchers do all the work" mentality.