JUST STAY NO... TO D.A.R.E!!

The D.A.R.E. program is pathetic.



Holy shit, that lion is just plain gay.

With finals coming up and finding myself living nocturnally this week and taking frequent smoke breaks to supposedly "ease" all the stress, its come to my attention that the D.A.R.E. program is simply a joke. Save for those strong willed individuals who’ve resisted temptation for this long, I’m pretty damn sure everyone in my 5th grade class has succumbed to some sort of addicting drug by now, whether it be trying alch, grits, bud, crack, caffeine, w/e. Unfortunately for me, I’ve found a bad habit in smoking cigarettes. (Don’t worry I’m quitting soon.)

What’s even more ridiculous – correct me if I’m wrong - but I remember signing some contract/agreement bullshit laying out the terms that I, Adonis, WILL NEVER DO DRUGS. the fuck… HAH, that worked out just fine.

My homie Jordan enjoys rocking his 5th grade D.A.R.E. t-shirt every now and then, which got me thinking on how this worthless program can be improved, even with a complete overhaul in philosophy. Besides, if the program cant even prevent drug abuse for happy little kids growing up in Sunni PQ, imagine how pathetic it probably is at a school like GOMPERS. What a shame.

Rather, my theory is to make the program’s content more reasonable and focus on things that are much more practical to kids. Who cares about health issues, cancer, black lungs, advanced aging, or showing videos of old women with holes in their throats anyway? Lets not scare the kids damnit, D.A.R.E. needs to keep it real. Let us take cigarettes for example; fuck lung cancer, here are a few things that Officer Bill fails to mention when teaching his class of future druggies.

So buddy, you think smoking cigarettes is cool?
Smoking is bad because:
1. The stress of not having cigarettes.
2. The stress of not having a lighter to smoke your cigarettes.
3. The stress of not having both a cigarette to smoke and a lighter handy, forcing you to bum.
4. Bumming makes you a scrub.
5. You stink.
6. You attempt to cover up your stinkiness in a shower of AXE, only making you stink even more.
7. You can start a wildfire, those really suck.
8. Random gag reflex also sucks.
9. When smoking, your light sometimes burns out but you don’t notice and continue to take a hit anyway, resulting in a disgusting cold-draft that makes you want to yak.
10. You’ll sometimes have nasty shits. (Coffee & Grits, aka the Breakfast of Champions = dunzo)

I’m pretty sure there are other nuisances, but nevertheless, I am a firm believer that a similar list and the possibility of having nasty shits will discourage kids moreso than mentioning mere lung cancer.

Best,
Adonis