Lately, my coffee habit has grown nearly out of control. Caffeine headaches abound, even if I wake up in the afternoon, I'm fienin' for a cup of joe (why the fuck is it even called 'joe'). It is one of the many things that I consider myself a slave to (others include alcohol, porn, and carne asada, but we'll save those for another entry).
As I sit here with a slice of mud pie ice cream cake and a black cup of Folger's finest French Roast before my 4pm lab section, I've come up with the Top 3 Coffee Pairings.
3. Sausage McMuffin
McDonalds breakfast pwns. The only other fast food breakfast item that I ever crave is the Cotijas Hash Brown burrito, but even then, I enjoy the burrito better for lunch or dinner. But for breakfast, it has to be McDonalds. I will even take McDonalds breakfast over Dennys or IHOP at times. You better make it to the golden arches before 10:30 am or you're assed out, so McDonalds breakfast is a rare treat for me.
The Sausage McMuffin is one of the original Mickey D's breakfast items and an old standby that I come back to. It's a simple yet harmonious sandwich which I recreate at home all the time. A fattier version of the ham-based Egg McMuffin, the subtly spicy patty goes better with a hot cup of coffee.
2. Good ass Dessert or Pastry
While I enjoy my coffee loaded with sugar and cream as much as the next person, a black cup of coffee is an underappreciated treasure, and serves as a perfect compliment to a sweet dessert or pastry. The bold yet rich bitterness of a good cup of black coffee simply enhances a good coffee cake or donut.
1. Cigarette
The official Cool Kids Breakfast of Champions is a grit and a cup of coffee. I quit smoking a while ago, but I still long for one more drag, hopefully accompanied by a sip of coffee. The hot java and the smoky grit go hand in hand in starting a great day. The combination gives you a reason to wake up in the morning, as well as a reason to go to the bathroom.
I swear the cigarette enhances the laxative properties ten fold. Fuck I have to take a shit just thinking about this.
This is not so much of an endorsement for the rockstar Barack Obama, but mainly because I thought this poster just looked pretty cool. It’d probably make a nice t-shirt too.
http://obeygiant.com/post/obama
Top-notch propaganda!
While I haven’t thrown my full support for any one candidate just yet, I see the same imposing image in poster and sticker form all over campus; when I walk to class, when I buy food, when I smoke, when I take a leak, when I take a shit – So slowly but surely, I’m being effectively brainwashed by the Obama campaign. I’m actually glad that OBEY is apparently rooting for Obama; he seems much more compatible with their style of artwork compared to the rest of the candidates. I highly doubt the same poster with Mitt Romney/Nathan Petrielli’s face on it would have the same, inspirational effect. That’d just be fucking creepy.
Since we live in season-deprived San Diego, most of us never had to suffer through blizzards, shoveling snow, raking leaves, or having to root for hockey; in sum, a lot of us don't even know what the hell snow is in the first place. Unfortunately, since we'll never get the opportunity to experience the giddy-ass feeling of waking up one morning and seeing snow falling through your window, its sometimes difficult to determine or to get that wake up call that CHRISTMAS, yep, good ole' Christmas, is just around the corner.
Fear not, they're other ways to help you get into that holiday-mood and realize that its finally time to get those gifts you've been procrastinating to buy. One of my favorite indicators is simply on the radio, or mainly, the fact that stations tend to start playing all that wonderful, catchy, Christmas-related themed music, 24/7.
Damn, there’s no better way to get into that Christmas spirit than listening to xmas jams. Really, who can resist listening to Sleigh Ride, Last Christmas, or Boyz II Men’s – Let it Snow. (Of course, I’m ignoring the fact that all those non-Americans & non-Christians could probably care less about Santa’s fatass.) Nonetheless, if there's one thing to love about the Christmas season, it definitely has to be the music.
Recently however, as I was driving, blasting KxKy 96.5 and singing along to my old favorite, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, it came to my attention to how fucked up, or more specifically, how ridiculous Rudolph’s situation is with his supposed reindeer homies in the North Pole.
"Sorry Rudolph, but you're a loser."
With a closer look at the lyrics, it seems that the ONLY reason that Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Blitzen, and all those other fuckers even like Rudolph in the first place is simply because lovable reindeer-pimp Santa Claus suddenly takes a liking towards him. “Then all the reindeer loved him…” Fuck that, Dancer and Prancer are full of SHIT. One second they’re playing too-cool and hatin’ on poor Rudolph, then all of a sudden they’re sucking his d***.
Then again, I could be wrong. Maybe the lyrics are intentional, and instead, supposed to be some sort of eye-opening criticism on our society today, pointing at the fact that we still continue to discriminate and prey on the little guy. Sadly, Rudolph could essentially be that kid in high school that everyone made fun of...
Ex: Roughly, the human equivalent of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Regardless, I’m not trying to boycott the song or anything like that, but rather, it brings to my attention on how some of us fail to realize the content of the songs (or any kind of art/media outlet) we enjoy listening to. Take the Mother Goose example for instance; they teach us her nursery rhymes in kindergarten, but have you realized how twisted and perverted a lot of her crap is? Just look at Three Blind Mice – now that’s some sick, violent, fucked-up shit.
While I can’t disagree with the concept that musical lyrics are often times supposed to be interpretive, in some instances there's no sort of ambiguity. For example, take the popular criticism of mainstream rap music that’s always mentioned – most of its content is derogatory and disrespectful to women, (Chris Rock makes a valid point about this, with "PUT A DICK IN HER EAR!!") yet females who act "ladylike” and demand for respect and for guys to be gentlemen, still LOVEEE to dance and shake their asses to this shit.
Nothing wrong with that either - Really, its all for fun, and I for one see the fun in dancing, in spite of the criticism. So please ladies, dance away. Hell, if there’s anything better than singing along to xmas jams, it has to be dancing to Lil Jon/Too Short – Shake that Monkey! and having a girl grind up on you.
Good luck on finals everyone, Christmas is almost here.
Best,
Adonis
The D.A.R.E. program is pathetic.
Holy shit, that lion is just plain gay.
With finals coming up and finding myself living nocturnally this week and taking frequent smoke breaks to supposedly "ease" all the stress, its come to my attention that the D.A.R.E. program is simply a joke. Save for those strong willed individuals who’ve resisted temptation for this long, I’m pretty damn sure everyone in my 5th grade class has succumbed to some sort of addicting drug by now, whether it be trying alch, grits, bud, crack, caffeine, w/e. Unfortunately for me, I’ve found a bad habit in smoking cigarettes. (Don’t worry I’m quitting soon.)
What’s even more ridiculous – correct me if I’m wrong - but I remember signing some contract/agreement bullshit laying out the terms that I, Adonis, WILL NEVER DO DRUGS. the fuck… HAH, that worked out just fine.
My homie Jordan enjoys rocking his 5th grade D.A.R.E. t-shirt every now and then, which got me thinking on how this worthless program can be improved, even with a complete overhaul in philosophy. Besides, if the program cant even prevent drug abuse for happy little kids growing up in Sunni PQ, imagine how pathetic it probably is at a school like GOMPERS. What a shame.
Rather, my theory is to make the program’s content more reasonable and focus on things that are much more practical to kids. Who cares about health issues, cancer, black lungs, advanced aging, or showing videos of old women with holes in their throats anyway? Lets not scare the kids damnit, D.A.R.E. needs to keep it real. Let us take cigarettes for example; fuck lung cancer, here are a few things that Officer Bill fails to mention when teaching his class of future druggies.
So buddy, you think smoking cigarettes is cool?
Smoking is bad because:
1. The stress of not having cigarettes.
2. The stress of not having a lighter to smoke your cigarettes.
3. The stress of not having both a cigarette to smoke and a lighter handy, forcing you to bum.
4. Bumming makes you a scrub.
5. You stink.
6. You attempt to cover up your stinkiness in a shower of AXE, only making you stink even more.
7. You can start a wildfire, those really suck.
8. Random gag reflex also sucks.
9. When smoking, your light sometimes burns out but you don’t notice and continue to take a hit anyway, resulting in a disgusting cold-draft that makes you want to yak.
10. You’ll sometimes have nasty shits. (Coffee & Grits, aka the Breakfast of Champions = dunzo)
I’m pretty sure there are other nuisances, but nevertheless, I am a firm believer that a similar list and the possibility of having nasty shits will discourage kids moreso than mentioning mere lung cancer.
Best,
Adonis
