Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Long Haul

Re: Regarding Our Decision Not To Blog Here Anymore

When analyzing the fall of any community, I personally find that one of the most important steps in a post-apocalyptic scenario is to figure out what exactly went wrong. So before diving headfirst into a "bloggers renaissance," I graciously took the time out of my busy, busy day (watching every episode of Archer and beating Portal 2 multiple times is no easy task) to figure out why we started this monstrosity in the first place and pinpoint the kinks in our otherwise flawless system.

It started as a pretty admirable task. Four young minds, deep into their college careers, coming together to share their individual perspectives on the fairly diverse worlds that surrounded them. Ray breaking down the finest of literary works, myself exploring a musical universe previously unheard by ears of suburban San Diego natives, Lance grinding his teeth on every byte the Informatics department at UCI could throw at him, but also many other bites, and Adonis with stick in hand beating opponent after opponent in a battle of Gods known more commonly as Super Smash Brothers. No one could predict what would come from this, but I think at the very least we were all optimistic.

An excerpt from Adonis' first coolkids post in December of 2007 reads "So far I like what I see, but really, a collaboration of the great minds of Lance, Ray, Nazer, and Adonis is simply UNSTOPPABLE." With words like that, we were ready to take on the world!

And so from there we went forward. Maybe it was the presidential election, or the writers strike, or maybe it was simply a love for the craft, but whatever it was, month after month we filled the minds of readers everywhere with original pieces of work on the topics that we cared most about. When searching through the Cool Kids archives, it was discovered that the tags we used most frequently were television (32) followed by Video Games (27), and then fatass (22). Following shortly afterward were lazy post (16), nerd boner (15), Barack Obama (14), and then the Chargers (13).

Some may call it garbage, but for a lot of people many of these posts could be crowned as real works of art. We even had a "Best of the Cool Kids" compilation, featuring our very best and most beloved posts.

But we quickly took a turn for the worse...

Our once glorious website that flourished with exciting and fresh content was now a desolate wasteland. Posts came weeks, even months apart at times, and our content struggled all the same. Quick posts about absolutely nothing flooded our internet roads, surveys were displayed as features, and old fans everywhere were screaming, yearning even for new content. It got so bad that Ray even wrote a post about our lack of posts! In the shadows people heard whispers of a revival, but nothing came out of that, until just recently when Ray found it in himself to make an attempt to "get the band back together."

So here I am, a sunny day in late April, dusting off the keyboard and flexing my blogger muscles in hopes that we truly will come together and rise to our previous state of greatness. I do have to wonder though, is this newly found fire something that could keep us going strong, or is this simply just a taste of the past from the burps of those heavy Easter meals we had? Only time will tell, but I have to ask you this, my cool kids brethren, are we ready to saddle up and go the long haul, or are we just tumbling, and tumbling, and tumbling along. Let me know if I should start packing my stuff.

- Nazer

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Post Date TBD

My hands are full, but soon.

I promise.

Let's stay together...

RE: Regarding Our Decision To Not Blog Here Anymore

Dear Cool Kids and Cool Kids family (i.e. Not so small talk), 

I'm writing this letter in hopes that this will get to you guys, someway, somehow. This is really hard for me right now, so I'll try and be brief. But I admit; I spent the past few hours outside, staring up at the night sky, with only the the stars to keep my company... Just now, I've been pacing back in forth in front of my computer, glaring at the screen, hoping this page would fill up with words by itself. But I'm here now, so I must finish what I started...

Ray, Nazer, Lance -- I know I had left you guys. Even worse, I left without saying goodbye. It was like a breakup without closure, or having some fun and not calling the next day, with no regard for your feelings at all. Yes, it was wrong of me; but I was young, stupid, immature, without any sense of what I was leaving behind.

But I had too... I had to get out of our relationship. I felt trapped. For too long, I felt like I bullshitted as a Cool Kid. We goofed off, made fun ourselves and joyfully hurt the ones we love. But I had to explore on my own, had to see the world, had to discover what was beyond the Coolest Kids in the Room, and grow up as a person, and also try and write more "seriously." Then the years went by, and I had moved on; a Cool Kid enjoying himself in self-imposed exile.

But really... it was all a facade. The supposed, newfound happiness was forced. There'd be nights where I'd toss and turn in bed, feeling miserable; alone, empty. I'd turn on my computer and load up coolkidsroom, going through the archives and looking back on old posts, constantly checking behind my back as if I was trying not to get caught. It was like re-reading old texts, or going through old pictures; reminiscing until the point where I had to close my laptop shut because the tears in my eyes would get too unbearable.

I miss it. The sarcasm, the randomness of topics, the clowning on homies, the bad ms paint pics, the bukkake, even the more relevant issues we wrote about; I miss it all. I miss what we all shared together, and I want it back. Just remember all the good times we've had. We can be great together, again. I just hope you can forgive me...

But I'll say, this indefinite hiatus of mine, is no more. This blog, The Coolest Kids in the Room, is where I'm meant to be. Like Ray said, "Being in a polyamorous blogging relationship with all of you was like something I've never felt before." I feel the same way. I want to be together again. I believe in second chances, but I'd like to believe as if we never broke up at all. We can work this out. Let's stay together.

We've all come so far:

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was..."

Please come back...

- Adonis

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Regarding Our Decision To Not Blog Here Anymore

Regarding Our Decision To Not Blog Here Anymore
inspired by "Regarding Our Decision Never To See Me Again" by Ellie Kemper

Whats up guys, It's me Ray. I know we said this wouldn't last forever, but I've really put some thought into it for the past few minutes, and I have to say I think I've changed my mind. Its like when you sit down for a really long time and get up too fast and you end up feeling all dizzy and what not. Whats that called? A head rush? Yea I think that's what happened. It was a head rush. I just wasn't thinking straight I promise.

Its kind of hard you know, to put all that I'm feeling into words. I really felt like we had something the four of us. Being in a polyamorous blogging relationship with all of you was like something I've never felt before. And after you guys stopped posting, (Adonis n Lance) I really felt like something was missing in my life. It was hard just doing it with Nazer, I think me and him just couldn't have as much fun with just us two. We just needed our other halves........

Lance, who else was going to arise the same kind of feeling out of me as you. I know the rest of you haven't felt both uncomfortable and well informed at the same time, since Lance decided to leave the group. I think we all need a special bit of Lance's love juice in the mix...what did you used to call it. Oh yea thats right, a post-bukkake. Your a saint Lance. A beautiful heavenly saint. If you come back I swear you can post-bukkake all over this blog. I swear it.

Nazer, you held on longer then most and I think it really is that time again to get back on that horse and ride it. Gallop, gallop and post about things I know nothing about because being confused makes me feel like less of a person. And your great at that. Who else is going to educate me on shows (Pushing daisies, battlestar galactica) that I would probably only watch if they popped up on netflix during my free one month trial? No one that's who, no one. And that's a strong probably mister, a really really strong one. Almost even a maybe, a loving maybe.

And Adonis, Oh Adonis. I always appreciated your way of.....And then that time you....Oh and lets not forget that one thing, you know the thing that you did that one time. Great. I've really missed how you always have a way of...yuh your just great bro. Honest.

I really think were one of those groups where we first meet and there isn't really this huge lasting impression at first, but for some reason we all reconnect. Realizing that all the other blogs we've had were meaningless and this was the one true blog and we have, like, this really great story to tell people when they ask how we got together. You know the type, the ones where our kids ask us how we met, and I'll say, "You tell em Lance." and Lance will be like "No no, Nazer tells the story the best." and then Nazer would say, "OK, OK....." And when we go through all our old photos our son will be like who's Adonis daddy is this him?


Time will have slowed down at this very moment. As memories ring out in each of our minds. Lance will recall a simpler time when Adonis passed out in Mel and Kristine's bathtub fully clothed, and Tuan and I turned the water on. Nazer, will remember how great the cool kids used to be as a single tear runs down his cheek. I'll stop turn my head towards our son. With a slight grin on my face. I'll take a deep breath, the kind of breath our fathers take when they HAVE to do something, not something they necessarilly want to do, but they must. And I'll pause for a second. Look straight into his eyes and simultaneously slap the shit out of him while screaming "YOU DON'T SAY THAT NAME IN MY HOUSE!"

So what do you say boys. Give US another chance. I promise I'll be better this time. We had a few bumps in the road, but ain't no speed bump gonna slow us down. Head rushes are great an all, but when we put our minds together were not just cool kids, were the coolest kids in the room.


-Just RA

P.S. Adonis you haven't posted since march 2009, that's over two years JACKASS. But then again that post had the best comment run of all time. So kudos

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Another show to watch on Thursdays

By now, you guys are probably aware that we watch a lot of TV on Thursday nights.  With no new episodes tonight of 30 Rock, Parks and Rec, or any of our other favorites (if you like Perfect Couples, then you deserve to be stabbed in the eye), then there’s really no reason why you shouldn’t be watching Archer tonight.

The animated show revolves around a spy agency and focuses on their star field agents, Sterling Archer and Lana Kane, and their interactions with the agency’s office drones. It’s like a sexy, vulgar cartoon remix of The Office and Chuck.

While there’s plenty of sex jokes and cheap visual gags, the show has a surprising amount of depth to its humor as well.  I’m talking about literary and historic pop culture references that’ll make you run to Wikipedia just because a joke went over your head.  And nothing delights us hipsters more than jokes that go over people’s heads.

The show’s cast is damn good also. H. Jon Benjamin, my favorite voice actor of all time, stars as the lead.  His work as Coach McGuirk in the underrated Home Movies was full of YouTube highlights and he also plays the lead in Fox’s Bob’s Burgers, another excellent animated comedy. Jessica Walters and Judy Greer of Arrested Development fame and Chris Parnell, formerly of Saturday Night Live, also star.

You owe it to yourself to check it out tonight, if only for the hot cartoon characters who might give you a semi hard-on.  Because we’re the experts in cartoon ladies who might give you a boner.

Archer is on at 10pm on FX, Thursdays.