President-elect Obama

Back when this blog was still a little toddler, I mentioned in an old post the prospects of a Presidential wannabe named Barack Obama, comparing him to as "if Tiger Woods ran for office."

Over a year later, I find myself owing the man an apology. Tiger Woods may be filthy rich and a great athlete, but after putting them side by side - Tiger Woods really ain't shit standing next to Obama; Now arguably the most powerful man in the world and who I'm pleased to say is the 44th President of the United States.

While you may not agree on his foreign policy plans or his ideas on universal healthcare reform, there's no denying he brings a glitz and glamor to the Presidency that previously, for many years now, was defunct of any style.

Of course, many former presidents brought their own personal charm to the administration, and no disrespect to them - But after 8 years of living with a President (Bush), whose coolest moment was probably dodging a pair of shoes being thrown at him, Obama's beginning of a new Camelot definitely becomes a refreshing makeover.

His current status as the coolest kat on the planet was solidified during his inauguration, as Obama, the young, charismatic, community organizer from Chicago, danced with his wife in elegant fashion, all while Beyonce serenaded them with his classy song choice of "At Last."

Even in his college years, Obama was apparently still one of the coolest kids in the room.

Time to make 2009 a great year.

[Time]

[New York Times]

Cash Rules Everything Around Me

■ Recently, when I’ve been filling up for gas, I simply ignore the floating three-digit numbers on the side of the road. Instead, I just hope that whatever cash I give the gas station attendant is sufficient enough to pay for a pack of grits, all my unnecessary fatass snacks, and for the needle on my fuel gauge to at least pass the half-way mark.

Mainly, I do this as an attempt to save myself from the pain of knowing that I’m probably paying a ridiculous price of $3.50 for a gallon of gas, and maybe even $4 in the near future. Back in the day, I remember getting by with a simple “$10 on 3 please” – now saying that just feels embarrassing.

While soaring gas prices is nothing new to us, what I find even more absurd besides this dependency on gasoline, is the fact that more and more gas stations now have TV’s at the pump, possibly in an effort to make your visit a more “pleasant” one. Not a bad I idea I suppose; now I get a taste of how it feels to be one of those people with a television screen installed in every seat of their SUV.

Seriously though, if I’m really going to pay $4 per gallon pretty soon, those TV’s better stop showing the news and maybe just show some porn instead – at least then I’ll feel better knowing that I’m not the only one at the pump getting fucked.

■ There’s also been a lot of talk about the American economy nearing a recession. Rather conveniently, these down-years may even have a profound effect on our silly generation as well, with many of us graduating from college soon and off in search of a job. Luckily for me, my 8-year college plan will help me weather this economic depression worry-free, in case everything else hits the shitter.

For everyone else, fear not; our great President has taken notice of this predicament, with his “Economic Stimulus Plan.” In short, Bush plans to salvage our sinking economy by basically handing out money in hopes that everyone will therefore, spend spend spend.

(From an IRS notice)
Dear Taxpayer:

We are pleased to inform you that the United States Congress passed and President George W. Bush signed into law the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008…Under this new law, you may be entitled to a payment of up to $600.

Holy shit, $600! Talk about baller status... O.k., realistically that’s chump change for the average working citizen, but since I fit into the demographic of “broke-ass college students”, that amount of money would help out nicely, especially since I’m paying up to $100 just for a biology book that I’ll probably never use. Imagine, an extra $600 to help ‘stimulate’ the beer and tobacco industries, or even better, an extra $600 to spend on more gas while watching TV at the pump – oh, the possibilities.

Unfortunately, since mommy and daddy are still claiming me, I won’t be able to enjoy that extra $600 when I get back my tax return. So, if your one of those individuals not claimed as a dependent anymore, happy spending to you – you’re more than likely entitled to Bush’s cash giveaway. You can even figure out your winnings with the super-cool Economic Stimulus Package Calculator.