Because Chinese Girls can become Men too

With one more final left to go, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to remain focused, especially with lingering thoughts of how awful I performed on my previous tests. Luckily, I’ve found the perfect remedy to alleviate all my depressing thoughts, designed around a fail-proof plan of watching several enlightening youtube videos.

My first source of inspiration is a no brainer; most of you probably watch it right before leaving the house to kick some ass in whatever. If not, it consists of watching Lance’s old post of Jean Claude Van Damme’s classic speech in the movie Street Fighter, which is arguably one of the “Greatest Moments in Cinematic History.” I watch it at a modest 5 or so times in a row, until I start shaking my head like the Indian soldier, and feel so pumped up that I throw my fist up at the end too. I’d watch it a few more times, but my adrenaline rush is usually at its peak by then so I tend to take it easy after that.

Next, I watch an assortment of Steven Seagal action clips, such as this one in the movie “Out for Justice” where he single-handily, TAKES OUT THE TRASH!!



Steven Seagal is fucking awesome. Not only does he display some handy shotgun work, and blasts someone’s leg off, but on top of that, he makes short work of a fat guy with just one fucking judo kick to the gut. While this clip doesn’t really pertain to finals, and probably has absolutely no inspirational value whatsoever unless you too, are out for some street justice, I still think its pretty badass nonetheless.

If Van Damme and Steven Seagal isn’t enough to pump me up and get me back to studying, I resort to another well-known source of motivation, inspired by the recent Disney theme.

From Disney’s Mulan: “I’ll make a man out of you!”



Thanks to the historical accuracy of Mulan, I now know how it feels to be a Chinese recruit back in the day; and it must’ve really sucked, with such absurd standards just to get through boot camp. Shooting 3 apples in mid-air with a bow while still hitting the target – Getting stoned while balancing a bucket of water on your head – Dodging a hail of flaming arrows - Having to break a stone slab – Are you fucking serious?? But hey, if this is what Mulan had to go through, there’s no reason for me to give up on studying, finals, or just school in general for that matter. If a young Chinese women can transform into a dude overnight, I too, can do the same… and perform well on my last test.

Finals make me....happy? O_O

To: "the utterly amazing" Lance, "the extraordinary" Ray, noob Adonis
From: Nazer
Re: Finals make me homesick
Finals make me want to cut my wrists

I haven't posted in a while due to my heavy schedule, but with last week behind me things can continue at their normal pace.

Finals ended last Friday for me, and yeah because of the whole music school thing they were actually pretty enjoyable. Tests enjoyable? Bullshit I know, and I know a ton of kids at Berklee who strongly disagree with me, but yeah I personally had fun with them. I got to write music, conduct a Stravinsky piece, listen to music, give a speech about music and society, and study historical film composers.

Anyways, it seems like the majority of people go on Spring Break next week, so to everyone still taking tests, good luck, because vacation isn't the same without everyone celebrating. So yeah, knock that shit out so we can all go crazy.

I'd also like to encourage everyone to check out all the amazing posts by our affiliates lately (right side under blogosphere). Some fantastic reads there, perfect for distracting one from studying.

Finals make me homesick :'(

To: the extraordinary Ray, Adonis, Nazer
From: Lance

Kotaku's weekend editor, Maggie Greene, a grad student at Adonis' own UCSD, used her Weekend Note to whine about finals so I will too.

I'm horribly behind on an SQL Database project, and a 10 page research paper due tomorrow, but I would like to waste a few minutes to share some final exam bloopers! Most of these have made their way around the internet many times already, but this shit is still funny.

Monday Morning Buffet: Brett Favre & Pedophiles

Roy Lichtenstein, “Whaam!”

■ The other day at school I was in a good mood, so as I strolled down library walk I bought Korean BBQ from a student organization, signed a few random petitions that I had no idea what the hell they were advocating for, and by the end of my run of good-will, I was rewarded with a group of smiling 12-year-olds…

(Enter pedophile joke)
…Which of course, would make R-Kelly, David Westerfield, and my friend Marky Mark wet their pants.

Lucky for me, they were Girl Scouts, selling no other than their magically delicious Girl Scout Cookies. I promptly bought two boxes worth. My tier list of the different flavors from o.k. to great goes something like this: Thin Mints, the peanut-buttery tasting ones, the lemony tasting ones, Shortbreads…

But the King of Girl Scout Cookies remains uncontested – All Hail, the almighty SAMOAS!


These are fucking delicious. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but I could eat these all day. A flawless combination of chocolate, caramel, and coconut flakes, all working together while ending with a satisfying toasted crunch.

From my experience, I advise you; this is the kind of snack where sharing is not an option. It’s probably best to eat your box of Samoas alone in a dark corner away from civilization, or store them in the pantry behind the gross cereal brands that no one grabs. I’ve lost many dear Samoas to evil friends and family members after they discovered I was in possession of some. And for your own sake, if you happen to have a box on you and I’m around, hide it at all costs.

■ While this story is old news, I feel I should take the time to pay tribute to an NFL great, who has just recently declared his retirement after 15 seasons of playing the game. If you haven’t heard, Green Bay’s deity, Packer’s quarterback Brett Favre, has finally decided to hang up the cleats after years of speculation of this day to come.

Brett Favre, you will surely be missed. This means no more calling you Bart, no more old-man jokes, no more sports writers sucking your dick, no more watching you blindly throwing up the ball, and no more crying after every press conference when you contemplated retirement. However, your sole Super Bowl win, and Interception record, will forever stand testament in the annals of NFL history, making you truly, a football legend.

Cool Kids Room presents…
Brett Favre through the years; A Photo Tribute to #4

Brett Favre as a Pop Warner stud

A young Brett Favre, dreaming of one day playing in the NFL

Known for his incredible toughness, here we see him brushing off some punishment

Brett Favre, as we tend to remember him

And finally, the legend declaring enough is enough

(I kid, I kid. We all love you Grandpa Favre; you are definitely a Hall-of-Famer in my book.)

■ Even though Super Smash Bros. Melee will always hold a place in my heart, I still think Brawl is fucking awesome. I think I’m in love with it already. So in love with it, in fact, that I missed a whole day’s worth of school, including my last and most important lectures of the quarter, just so I could play it nonstop. Finals you ask? HAH! Sometimes you just have to set your priorities straight. Brawl > Studying. I just really wish I got a Nintendo Wii back in the day when I probably had the chance. (and extra cash)

■ Last night’s showing of America’s Best Dance Crew was highlighted with a sickass intro to a remix of It’s a Hard Knock Life, making it my favorite episode yet. I hope they choreograph another collaboration, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll bring back some of the eliminated groups to help participate. Maybe they can bring back, oh I don’t know, Fysh n Chicks perhaps? That'd be cool...

■ I’ll probably get shit for this, or maybe it’s just when me and Lance play, but from my memory and especially after last weekend, I sadly have to admit: we cool kids in the room are the WORST group of Beer Pong players ever to play the game. We couldn’t win a beer pong match even if our lives depended on it. If we played a game together all four of us would have full grown beards by the time we finished. Even the cups would grow beards. Ok that didn’t make sense, but yeah. We are terrible.

Best,
Adonis