Monday, March 17, 2008

Finals make me want to cut my wrists. :',( double tears

To: the utterly amazing Lance, nazer, dun dun, all you she devil player haters

From: Just "the extraordinary" Ray

I share the feeling of procrastination with lance and decided to lag even more by posting this article I found on yahoo.

Seven Ways to Win Back Your Gaming Spouse
Are games ruining your relationship? Fight back with these seven tips.
By Mike Smith

It might be hard to believe that a video game could destroy a relationship, but after we talked to Jocelyn, a Californian whose six-year marriage dissolved when her husband developed a crippling addiction to the massively-multiplayer online game World of Warcraft, we were inundated with similar stories of woe and heartbreak.
It's too late for Jocelyn -- who divorced her husband in 2005 and has sworn to keep away from gamers altogether -- but it might not be too late for you. If your significant other's gaming habits are harming your relationship, here are seven ways to beat the game and reclaim your love life.

1. Learn from the game
Games like World of Warcraft use classic behavioral control techniques: they tie small rewards very closely to repetitive chores. If your spouse is neglecting household tasks -- a common complaint among sufferers -- try employing a little positive reinforcement. The next time he empties the trash, play a loud 'Ding!' sound and tell him his Refuse-Disposal skill just increased.

2. Suggest a date at a video game movie
Just make sure it's a good one, because most of them are terrible. Resident Evil is a good choice, and assuming your spouse is male, the prospect of staring at Milla Jovovich for an hour and a half should certainly pique his interest. Don't let him sneak off to play his game once the movie is done, either: segue into a more intimate scenario before it ends, or you'll lose his attention.

3. Fake a power outage; cuddle up with candles and a board game
No matter how bad your addiction is, you can't play Warcraft with no electricity. Slip out to the junction box and flip the switch (after, of course, making sure any sensitive equipment is safely powered down). Your spouse will be devastated, but they'll be looking for something to keep their mind off the game. What better chance to propose lighting a few candles and playing a round of Scrabble?

4. Put some game into your nighttime activities
If your spouse's gaming addiction is cutting into your bedroom time, think about how you might switch up your usual routine. If they're into military games like Call of Duty or Splinter Cell, uniforms aren't hard to find (nor are night-vision cameras, if you're game). But if they call you a "n00b," it might be time to think about kicking them to the curb.

5. Try a different kind of role-playing game

See Sexy Costume Examples

If you're having trouble distracting your husband from the game, surprise him with a treat. World of Warcraft is packed with sexy female characters (and, let's face it, most other video games). With a little effort in the wardrobe department, you can recapture his attentions by dressing up as a character from the game. We'd suggest a Night Elf as a good starting outfit. For bonus points, learn the character's corresponding dance moves.

6. Get away from it all
Surprise your spouse with a weekend getaway to distract them from their addiction. Something that incorporates outdoor activities is best, because then he or she won't have the time or energy to miss their game. Try skiing, mountain biking, watersports, or fishing, or head for an action-packed hotspot like Vegas or New Orleans. Stay away from relaxing beach vacations, and for goodness sake, leave the laptop at home.

7. If you can't beat 'em...
If all else fails, it's time to consider extreme measures. Have you ever played the offending game yourself? Lots of couples play Warcraft (or similar online games) as a team, leveling up complementary characters and turning isolated and nonconstructive activities into good, old-fashioned quality time together. Most massively multiplayer games are deceptively easy to learn, and you'll have the benefit of an in-house expert to answer your questions in exhaustive detail. Just be careful not to start shirking familial duties yourself.

Moral of the story and why the cool kids are single:

Ladies its your fault we don't want to look at you, speak to you, or listen to you when the sticks/keys/mouse get busted out. Forget about your needs, what about our needs? If were settling down with one girl were leaving our pimp player steez at the door. So if we can't play girls we gotta play games. Ya smell me? So don't think that our love for you will PWN our need to pwn these noobs(adonis) in the gaming world. It's not that we love games more, its just...ahhh how do i put this? We love you less. All jokes aside, I SAY PICK UP THE STICKS snuggle close to your man and score a touchdown in Madden, get a head shot in call of duty 4, do whatever it is alex, keng, and dennis do in WoW, and if you can pwn your man into submission because trust if he didn't let you win he'll probably never want to play that game again.

I commend the cool kid affiliates Kristine and Mel for putting it down with rockband your ahead of the game.

This isn't exactly about gaming, but it applies in a lot of ways.


  1. "3. Fake a power outage; cuddle up with candles and a board game
    No matter how bad your addiction is, you can't play Warcraft with no electricity."

    Damn that is a super slick move right there haha

    And yes I can play a mean virtual guitar, watch out fellas

  2. hahaha so true

    tivo is the shit

  3. keep em at third with "the look".. ahahahaha

  4. ahaha, but i have the massive battery on my dell, DOTA for 5 hours straight after the "power outtage"

    anyways, i wanted to stand up and cheer after the end ray, a la jean claude van damme's troops in street fighter

  5. "do whatever it is alex, keng, and dennis do in WoW"

    what the fuck do they do