Monday Morning Buffet: Brett Favre & Pedophiles

Roy Lichtenstein, “Whaam!”

■ The other day at school I was in a good mood, so as I strolled down library walk I bought Korean BBQ from a student organization, signed a few random petitions that I had no idea what the hell they were advocating for, and by the end of my run of good-will, I was rewarded with a group of smiling 12-year-olds…

(Enter pedophile joke)
…Which of course, would make R-Kelly, David Westerfield, and my friend Marky Mark wet their pants.

Lucky for me, they were Girl Scouts, selling no other than their magically delicious Girl Scout Cookies. I promptly bought two boxes worth. My tier list of the different flavors from o.k. to great goes something like this: Thin Mints, the peanut-buttery tasting ones, the lemony tasting ones, Shortbreads…

But the King of Girl Scout Cookies remains uncontested – All Hail, the almighty SAMOAS!


These are fucking delicious. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but I could eat these all day. A flawless combination of chocolate, caramel, and coconut flakes, all working together while ending with a satisfying toasted crunch.

From my experience, I advise you; this is the kind of snack where sharing is not an option. It’s probably best to eat your box of Samoas alone in a dark corner away from civilization, or store them in the pantry behind the gross cereal brands that no one grabs. I’ve lost many dear Samoas to evil friends and family members after they discovered I was in possession of some. And for your own sake, if you happen to have a box on you and I’m around, hide it at all costs.

■ While this story is old news, I feel I should take the time to pay tribute to an NFL great, who has just recently declared his retirement after 15 seasons of playing the game. If you haven’t heard, Green Bay’s deity, Packer’s quarterback Brett Favre, has finally decided to hang up the cleats after years of speculation of this day to come.

Brett Favre, you will surely be missed. This means no more calling you Bart, no more old-man jokes, no more sports writers sucking your dick, no more watching you blindly throwing up the ball, and no more crying after every press conference when you contemplated retirement. However, your sole Super Bowl win, and Interception record, will forever stand testament in the annals of NFL history, making you truly, a football legend.

Cool Kids Room presents…
Brett Favre through the years; A Photo Tribute to #4

Brett Favre as a Pop Warner stud

A young Brett Favre, dreaming of one day playing in the NFL

Known for his incredible toughness, here we see him brushing off some punishment

Brett Favre, as we tend to remember him

And finally, the legend declaring enough is enough

(I kid, I kid. We all love you Grandpa Favre; you are definitely a Hall-of-Famer in my book.)

■ Even though Super Smash Bros. Melee will always hold a place in my heart, I still think Brawl is fucking awesome. I think I’m in love with it already. So in love with it, in fact, that I missed a whole day’s worth of school, including my last and most important lectures of the quarter, just so I could play it nonstop. Finals you ask? HAH! Sometimes you just have to set your priorities straight. Brawl > Studying. I just really wish I got a Nintendo Wii back in the day when I probably had the chance. (and extra cash)

■ Last night’s showing of America’s Best Dance Crew was highlighted with a sickass intro to a remix of It’s a Hard Knock Life, making it my favorite episode yet. I hope they choreograph another collaboration, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll bring back some of the eliminated groups to help participate. Maybe they can bring back, oh I don’t know, Fysh n Chicks perhaps? That'd be cool...

■ I’ll probably get shit for this, or maybe it’s just when me and Lance play, but from my memory and especially after last weekend, I sadly have to admit: we cool kids in the room are the WORST group of Beer Pong players ever to play the game. We couldn’t win a beer pong match even if our lives depended on it. If we played a game together all four of us would have full grown beards by the time we finished. Even the cups would grow beards. Ok that didn’t make sense, but yeah. We are terrible.

Best,
Adonis