TEAM CACHO DEFEATS TEAM DONDON IN 5K OF EPIC PROPORTIONS

The Official Times:

Last month’s epic battle between Team DonDon and the evil Team Cacho resulted in a heartbreaking loss for the boys in orange and neon-green, with Lance and his cronies managing to avoid the upset as they narrowly defeated Team DonDon by 1 second.

Battered by injuries, distractions, and locker room malcontent, Team DonDon apparently could not hold things together during the much-anticipated 5k event, despite Olympic-esque efforts by all-star runners Judd “White Power” Judd and Lu “Flying High” Lu, both of whom finished with record times.

“They had no chance whatsoever,” Cacho muttered, as he bit down into his victory Ultimate Cheeseburger after the race. “There are winners and losers in life… and Team DonDon is a loser!”

The extended 1.5 mile stretch of the race proved disastrous for both teams however, as the course itself was littered with numerous fast-food establishments that kept both teams on their toes and their stomachs grumbling. 7-11, Jack-in-the-Box, McDonalds, Burger King, and In-n-Out became a common sight and a legitimate threat for runners attempting to maintain a steady pace.

“It was driving me crazy,” said Omar of Team DonDon. “Everywhere I’d run there’d be fast-food workers cheering me on, holding out water and telling me to take a break. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

The $2 Ultimate Cheeseburger deal, combined with the unbearable heat, lack of preparation, and a poor outing by their Team Captain eventually led to Team DonDon’s downfall. Still, Judd remained optimistic, praising the team’s tremendous effort in the midst of such overwhelming odds.

“We thudave beatth thum.” he said.

Team Captain DonDon was apparently unavailable for comment following his team’s defeat. Teammates described him looking “heartbroken,” and “emo,” not even saying a word when times were announced. He was last seen headed to La Jolla Cliffs with a guitar in hand, blasting Daphne Loves Derby from his car as he drove off into the distance. His current whereabouts are unknown at the time.

They call him "Black Foot" because he probably has some Kenyan in him

Justin Judd proved the white man's supremacy over Asians by running a 5K with a bullshit extra half mile (closer to 3.6 miles than 3.1), a mixed gradient and a bullshit hill in around 24 minutes. I offer my sincere congratulations for this truly Kenyan-esque effort.


Either Adonis or myself will post full results and play-by-play soon.

TEAM DONDON IN TURMOIL!!

A Week in Review: Team DonDon in Training -

Despite being anchored by former Olympic-runner Judd Judd and the legendary Thunderdome, Team DonDon has found itself in much dire straits; especially with time running short before Saturday’s much-anticipated matchup against the evil Team Cacho. Distractions, injuries, and locker-room malcontent has left team captain DonDon with very little reason for optimism.

So far, Team DonDon’s training on and off the field has been nothing short of total bust:

Tuesday: Team meeting

After watching a variety of inspirational films including Free Willy and Save the Last Dance, several team members became distraught when the group couldn’t reach a consensus on what the team colors should be. Some even threatened to quit the team. “It better be purple or I’m not running!” exclaimed team member Omar. Neon green and orange ultimately won out, although many team members still remained bitter with the decision.

Wednesday: First day or training

Team member Tuanski sustained an apparent ankle injury while playing a game of Beer Pong. Not only did he break a team rule by participating in a non-running related activity, but his ailing ankle may land him a trip to the Disabled List, holding him out from Saturday’s matchup. He is listed as day-to-day.

Thursday: Second day of training

Even with Team Captain DonDon’s repeated attempts to get his team in marathon shape, a night planned for a 20-mile group run fails to materialize. Instead, many members took the night off and got drunk, getting full off of Mexican food, and ended up passing out in puddles of their own throwup. Captain DonDon struggles to prevent his team from spiraling more out of control.

Friday: Final Preparations

Team members once again fail to congregate and make one final attempt to prepare for the upcoming 5k. Captain DonDon eventually succumbs to the disappointment and total bust that is his team. Rather than getting a good night’s sleep, he sits at home brooding, typing up a ridiculous team report with only 3 hours left before D-Day. FAIL.

TEAM CACHO

I took the time to create profiles for all of my teammates so I can whore out interesting facts about other people than myself.

GIANT JEFF

Notable Accomplishments completely unrelated to running a 5k:

-Once ate an entire family meal for of four.

-Also, eats slices of pizza like they are potato chips.

THE FULL NELSON

Notable Accomplishments:

-dates a white girl.

STEROYD FLOYD

Notable Accomplishments:

-Once stayed out past his bedtime, and snuck back home without getting in trouble.

-Carries the realest fake ID I've ever seen.

-Only person to ever have sex inside a High School Musical sleeping bag. Even if it was with himself.

AIR Jo-DEN

Notable Accomplishments:

-He is the only multi-lingual runner on the team. He's fluent in English and Vietnamese (orders PHO like a PRO), but his native language is Jibberish.

-Didn't ask Pikachu and Chimcar to take a picture with him. Pikachu and Chimcar asked Jordan to take a picture with them.

SUKA-DOODOO DREW

- Only person I know who can wear a Newsies outfit, cross his legs like a woman, hold a tea cup and saucer like its circa-1900, AND PULL IT OFF LOOKIN LIKE A STUD.

-Only person I know who has THROWN UP and SHAT at the exact same time. I call it the suka-doodoo special.

-Threw away a promising basketball and football career for a promising fantasy basketball and football career.

-Pick him first for a pickup basketball or football game and he will be the best player on the court/field for three plays, then go home early to throw up in his toilet.

Cool Kids in Training!

Join Team Cacho!
Join Team DonDon!

RE: Carlsbad Shmarlsbad

Contrary to popular belief, the guys at coolkidsroom can do more than sit on their asses and rant about social affairs and fast food… O.k., maybe that does pretty much sum us up, but this weekend will change all that.

On Saturday morning, you’ll find cool kids and friends among a crowd running in the San Diego County NAMI Walks 2008 event.

That’s right, we’re running the city. Approximately 3.1 miles worth. Yes, three miles does sound fucking far, but Lance has proven more than capable of covering such a distance, and of course, its all for a good cause – NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) works to support those individuals and their families affected by mental illnesses through research and raising awareness.

To spice thing up competitively, we’re splitting up into two teams; Team DonDon vs. the evil Team Cacho. The team with the lowest combined times will be deemed victorious and superior to the other. Let the best team win!

Despite being the underdog, Team DonDon features several renowned all-star runners to help even out the scale:

Judd Judd.

The "newest" contributor to coolkidsroom, Judd recently turned down an invitation from Team China to run for them in the upcoming Summer Olympics. Rather, the notion of destroying Team Cacho proved to appealing of an offer to pass up. Some say Judd has even ran non-stop across the entire Oklahoma countryside while bare-foot.

“Lanthce doesenth sthand a chantsce againsthh us!”

Thunderdome.

Also running for Team DonDon is R-Kwan, aka the Thunderdome himself. Always a force to be reckoned with, his lightning speed is as legendary as his nickname. Even in his younger years, the Thunderdome’s trademark bowl-cut could always be seen leading the pack during P.E. class.

(R-Kwan was unavailable for comment.)

The stakes are high, and so will my run time be. Nevertheless…

“I SEE PRIDE! I SEE POWA! I SEE A BADASS MOTHA, WHO WONT TAKE NO CRAP OFF NOBODY!!” – The Cool Kids from Cool Runnings


Join Team Cacho!
Join Team DonDon!