If one was to define the coolkidsroom family as a collaboration of writers, affiliates, and readers with a variety of hopes and dreams for this blog, but with the collective intent of entertaining, self-enjoyment, venting, combating boredom, and addressing issues, then one can also assume that coolkidsroom is also… a TEAM!!!
In sum, this sorry-attempt at essentially, a useless dissertation is my lame excuse for discussing the following idea: Since we’re all in this together, and because we’re essentially a TEAM, it’s no question that also, just like a sports team, every team needs a…
MASCOT!!! woooohoooooo
Yep, a mascot is much needed. If Disney has Mickey Mouse, XBOX has Master Chief, the Padres have the Friar, the Steelers have Steely McBeam, D.A.R.E. has a lame-o lion, and if Subway has that fatass Jared, what about coolkidsroom?
After a little brainstorming, I’ve compiled a short list of possible poster-boys that would best-represent and embrace the overall “feel” of this blog. In no way, shape or form is this a list of definite or restricted possibilities; instead, I hope others could help me critique and comment on my suggestions, or even better, come up with their own potential mascots.
My Top 5 Candidates:
JAMAL WILLIAMS
The 350 lb. Pro-Bowl defensive tackle of the Chargers, a 10-year veteran of the NFL who eats blockers for lunch, runningbacks for dinner, and QB’s for dessert.
Why: Besides just being a badass, Jamal Williams personifies everything coolkidsroom is and has to offer; an unstoppable force, rock solid performances, hard-work ethic, selfless teamplay, longevity, and a fatass’s love for food.
Why not: Picking Williams would mean playing favorites among Chargers players, since all of them are well-qualified for the mascot gig. (except for Legadu loser Nanee). Furthermore, his intimidating glare alone would scare off our more ‘sensitive’ readers.
THE D.A.R.E. LION
The cute, cuddly, but bipedal freak of nature that is exploited by the Pigs to attract unsuspecting kids into a life of drug-abstinence.
Why: He has a rich history (1,2,3) at coolkidsroom, being the butt-end of many jokes, so it is with a sense of loyalty and obligation that we pay homage to his prolonged suffering. As a bonus, in case the feds come sniffing around for obscene material, they’ll just pass us up as another dedicated anti-drug website when they see him smiling back at them.
Why not: He’s pathetic. Likewise, he’s failed miserably on his quest to prevent our generation from drug abuse. (i.e. See all the names on the column to the right)
TINA FEY
The smart, talented, funny, and attractive Emmy-award winner & nominee, writer of Mean Girls, former SNL cast member & head writer, and mastermind and star of 30 Rock. In sum, the most gorgeous women on earth.
Why: Because I have an unhealthy obsession with her.
Why not: Because I have an unhealthy obsession with her.
CALIFORNIA BURRITOS
Delicious morsels of carne asada and French fries, with pockets of cheese and sour cream; all wrapped in a warm tortilla for a savory meal of Mexican-inspired goodness. Found at a Taco Shop near you. Typically accompanied with hot sauce, and often enjoyed following a night of excessive alcohol consumption.
Why: This burrito captures the essence of the Southern California culture and lifestyle of our generation. Plus, coolkidsroom and family owe much to the legendary Cali Burrito for our continued nutritional growth (and deterioration).
Why not: We would all gain 15 more lbs. due to unwarranted cravings caused by the Cali Burrito’s constant image.
LANCE
aka our very own CommanderCacho. San Diego born-and-raised and former Prom King of Mt. Carmel High School, he now currently attends UCI.
Why: He’s Lance damnit! If with any doubt, spend an entire day with Lance and a bottle of Hennessey, and experience his funness for yourself.
Why not: The real-life Lance would probably get mad. He’s probably mad at me right now as he reads this.
I’ll probably narrow down these choices and other suggestions later. Decisions, decisions.
Best,
Adonis
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