Great Spring Break Closing Weekend = Birthday Surprise + Wrestlemania

To: Adonis, Nazer, Ray
From: Lance
Re: The Balancing Act

I promised myself I would never post while I was drunk, I broke it once, fuck it, I will break my promise again (note to reader: never trust Lance if he promises something to you).

If you didn't know already it was Nelson and Nazer's birthday on Sunday. Be sure to leave them obligatory facebook/myspace comments.

Through some act of God, we pulled off the birthday surprise for Nelson. Despite our hopes that he would say something embarassing as he walked in, the look of shock/fear once we yelled surprise was worth all of our efforts throughout the last couple weeks.

Kristi, honestly, I thought that something, somewhere, would fuck up all your plans, but you pulled this off, I gotta give you props. Or e-props, whatever, the fact that it happened is very impressive.

Saturday's festivities were a great nightcap to a spring break that went a long way in recharging my batteries for the upcoming spring quarter.

Beer pong at 3 in the afternoon two days in a row (I am a self-proclaimed champion now), getting my BRAWL hours in with Bassek and David, seeing Nazer and Tony during the first weekend, a few work outs here and there, babystting Floyd one night, more beer pong at David's, and finally Nelson's traditional dinner at Islands followed by his surprise birthday party is quite the spring break if you ask me.

The cherry on top was Wrestlemania XXIV at Kuya Pogz's house. I don't watch wrestling regularly anymore but there were some good spots here and there. The highlights of the evening were a "Money in the Bank" ladder match, and Ric Flair's tearful "retirement" match versus Shawn Michaels.



In all honesty, Ric Flair is not someone who I had much respect for when I was younger. He represented everything I hated about WCW when I was a pro-WWF crazy fan (he wasn an old fart who got way too much screen time in that day and age in my opinion).

Not until I put his career into perspective (after he came to the WWF during the WCW buyout) could I grasp what he has done for professional wrestling. Everyone knows that pro wrestling is scripted and that it doesn't legitimately constitute a "sport" in the truest sense. But it's because of the passion and unwavering commitment to the profession that individuals like Ric Flair posess that this industry continues to thrive on what otherwise may be seen as a faulty product.

Flair continued to perform way beyond his "prime", yet still at a level that captured audiences across the nation. He literally bled for the world of pro wreslting, along with his sweat and tears.



If this is indeed Ric Flair's last hurrah, then the industry will surely miss his pure unadulterated contributions on a nightly basis. Next time I'm drunk, I promise you can slap me in the chest as hard as you want, as long as the surrounding crowd lets out a resounding "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!".

Being Paralyzed is sexy

The Balancing Act

To: Adonis, Lance, Ray
From: Nazer

It's saturday morning. Immediately after waking up, my hand takes on the role of a zombie and reaches for the Apple remote on my dresser. From there I bring up Lupe Fiasco's "The Cool" and listen as I contemplate actually getting up from my 9 hour slumber. 3 hours later I wake up, go to my computer and get lost in the typical daily computer activities: reading email, checking AIM messages, slickdeals, myspace, facebook, kotaku, deadspin, sartorialist, and so on.

The clock on my computer reads 2:00PM, and for whatever reason double cheeseburgers sound good, so I take a shower, fix up my Netflix envelopes and head to McDonalds. On the way I decide on what I want to watch while I eat. Some Battlestar Galactica in preparation for the Season 4 premiere in April? Maybe crack the shell and start AMCs Breaking Bad. Possibly do the ultimate fatty activity (which isn't very uncommon) of watching Anthony Bourdain's: No Reservations while stuffing my face with meat and cheese.

After returning to my dorm room I decide on continuing my journey with the Panthers football team with Friday Night Lights. Tim Riggins reunites with his brother Billy and they steal three thousand dollars from drug dealers while Smash gets arrested for assault. 3:00PM and I turn on my Xbox to finish some of those Portal levels that I couldn't beat last night, but before that I listen to the CNN Daily podcast. A plane in Houston lost its wheels when it landed, but thankfully no one was hurt.

5:00PM and I pick up the Entertainment Weekly magazine which features a Spring TV Preview, with stories on Desperate Housewives, House, Grey's, the almighty 30 Rock and more. Panic at the Disco's latest album "Pretty Odd" plays in the background while I read about Hulu.com, a sort of professional Youtube featuring television shows and movies streaming free on the web, but like ABC.com and others they feature 15 to 30 second ads in the middle of them.

The last page of each issue has a story written by an industry professional, and this issue had a piece by Diablo Cody where she talks about her time in Vancouver filming in a new movie. She talks about the similarities between her hotel and a showbiz-infested summer camp, and now here I am writing on the blog.

Seems like a pretty busy Saturday doesn't it? Television, music, video games, magazines, news, and I haven't even watched this copy of La Vie En Rose that I rented yet. It's apparent that my life has been consumed by the world of media driven entertainment, and to be brutally honest, I'm loving every moment.

Enchanted? Hell yeah!

I know I'm a little late with this, but my most recent movie in my Netflix queue was a true work of art entitled Enchanted. In our modern day world where children's movies consist of Shrek sequels and Pixar films, it was almost as if the happily ever after, fairytale-esque message was slowly fading away. Now don't get me wrong, I love those movies, but there was something about this film that really brought back memories of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, moving me once again to that daydream state of mind.


Enchanted starts off in a classic cartoon Disney setting with princess Giselle and a large assortment of talking animals eagerly awaiting her prince. As she sings, the sound of her voice reaches the ears of Prince Edward, who then jumps on his trusted white horse and races towards her. They meet, and in typical fairy tale fashion decide to get married. Prince Edward's evil stepmother Queen Narissa becomes jealous of Giselle, thinking that she only wants to steal her place on the throne, so she disguises herself as an old lady, and on Edward and Giselle's wedding day, she sends her to a place where "there are no happily ever afters," modern day Manhattan. There she runs into Derek Shepherd, and he decides to help her out. This all sounds pretty cheesy I know, but dig deeper into the film, and you'll be treated to a delightful film that takes another swing at the traditional fairy tale.


Another thing that is so attractive about this movie was all of it's technical achievements. Incredible effects are used throughout the movie to give our world a magical feel, and while I'm not the biggest fan of CGI (something about the lack of real weight weirds me out), this movie does a great job, displaying things like animals and so on.

The music is done by everyone's favorite composer Alan Menken with songs by Stephen Schwartz. The music is scored like any other Disney movie, but mixing that with characters walking throughout the streets of New York brings a charming feeling to all of it. The live musical sequences are hilarious and truly give you that feeling of a classic Disney movie.

But in my opinion the movie really comes to life with the work of Amy Adams. There's something about the way she moves through the film that really leaves your heart and mind tingling. She performs like a real princess, with such grace and charm; top tier indeed.

So all in all this was 107 minutes well spent. A brilliant blend of nostalgia with a modern twist. Take some of the film industries best, along with some awesome acting and fantastic music (the costumes are sick too), and you're left with a truly masterful piece of work.

Kill me. Now.

This is a god damn travesty. They must be stopped, this must never see the light of day.

Why I (as well as some other COOL KIDS) don't have girlfriends PART 1

Horribly Unathletic

I'm pretty sure that's not how you swing a baseball bat. And this pathetic attempt finished with a swing and a miss.

Horribly Out of Rhythm



Ladies, I'm also sure this is not the first guy you think of dancing with at the club.

Toy Collection



If there was a movie called The 20-year-old Virgin, this is what the protagonist's wall would look like. This habit started a couple years ago when I bought an LT and a Trevor Hoffman on sale at ComicCon. Having two of them wasn't that bad.

Then I bought an Elton Brand for five bucks. And then people started giving them to me as gifts. And you know what? I loved getting it as a gift. But now my wall doesn't look much different than Steve Carell's character in that classic comedy.

Does it help that they're all sports stars and not comic book characters? Maybe, but from far away, can you even fucking tell?

Super Smash Bros.



Pretty much any guy, single or taken, has some sort of gaming habit. All girls have to deal with it, and as Ray pointed out, it can only help for a lady to accept this, and even better, take part with her man in this lazy activity.

My compadres and I took it to another level with this game though. For most girls, they have to deal with their boyfriend who's hooked on something macho like Madden, or Halo, or Call of Duty. Of course, I consider myself up to snuff in those games as well, but what does it say about you when your favorite game was a game where video game mascots partook in cartoony battles with no real violence?



And how bout how the sound of people playing this game causes a click-clack racket from the controllers that's probably the most annoying sound in the world?

And what does it say about you when you've played in numerous tournaments, even winning one with your fellow blogger?

I'll tell you what it says, it means you're a loser who spent way too much time mastering wavedashing, crouch cancelling, shield grabbing, bomb jumping, jump cancelling, L-cancelling (ok not L-cancelling), instead of working on your baseball swing, or better yet, your dance moves.



Ok, I know I've come down on myself pretty hard. Despite all of these shortcomings, I want you to know that I'm comfortable in my own skin. There are still a lot of things that I like about myself, and things that I think girls would like about me.

No matter what, I know goofy pictures of me playing sports and me dancing are the basis of priceless memories. Hours of bonding over Smash, or discussing our favorite NFL stars or NBA players, has afforded me friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime. But all of this certainly has crippled my pursuit of the almighty pussyliath.

Off to the titty bar!

Smells like Patis in Here

No doubt we as the cool kids collective are some of the funniest individuals that San Diego has to offer. Better yet the funniest group that the UNIVERSE has to offer. No issue is a stranger to our blog. From Disney to Politics, Creativity to Procrastination, and even the age old question of who is more fun to pick on in a blog, Nelson or Adonis. Personally I have to say that they are equally fun to pick on. Stay tuned for future blogs by me, "Water Thicker than Liquor: The Nelson Vuong Story" and "Where Not to fall asleep when your drunk:Adonis' struggle."

As far as entertainment and the media goes Filipino representatives are virtually non-existent. So we as (an unintentional) group of Filipino's regardless of our willingness represent the Filipino Community. Now before you get your panties all twisted this post isn't to discuss Fil-Am obligation or anything of that nature. Instead I just wanted to share some vids of some folks that I think rep almost as hard as we do.








I know their not exactly a new group, but I stumbled on their shit again and still funny so enjoy. insert funny boner here.

Week in San Diego

My spring break was indeed an awesome one. It was nice to take a week off of school and just relax. I spent the days sitting on my ass watching GG reruns and ABDC, eating the food in my house, beer pong, brawl, one couldn't really ask for much more. Seeing everyone this weekend at Alexand's bash really put a nice end to my break. Many memorable moments from getting locked in the mall Dead Rising style to watching Erickson go out in a BLAZE OF GLORY (insert crazy emoticon). With only six weeks of class left, this break was a nice sneak peek for the summer. But my spring break really reached completion this morning at the 7:00 AM mass.


The one and only Nat Roberts made an appearance. If you're reading this, we're hanging out over summer, get ready.

So my Easter will consist of seeing the family, watching my little cousins run around while picking up plastic eggs with candy inside them, eating dope ass filipino food that I never get to eat in Boston, rock band, then another 6 hour flight to the east coast. Thanks for the good times everyone, see you in person the 2nd week of May, but keep reading this blog for more crazy news and updates, peace.

Happy Easter!

To: Adonis, Nazer, Ray
From: Lance
Re: Well For Me...

This was the most disastrous season of Lent ever. I didn't give anything up, I ate meat every Friday, and then topped it off with a end-of-finals-slash-celebrate-Alexand's-birthday BASH that happened to take place on Good Friday, a day of somber remembrance. Oh yeah, and I won't be going to church today.

On that note, here's a great take on the Easter holiday from Rex Navarette, and how this special Sunday lost its original meaning somewhere down the line.




Cool Kids Catch-Up

Adonis' Mulan + Steven Segal post
DISNEY CHICKS: Who is top tier?
Affiliates Catch-Up
Pankun and James
Nazer's bizarre twist on finals
Ray's suicidal take on finals along with why women should at least tolerate gaming
Lance's emo finals bitching with funny finals moments

SD REPRESENT

Game-winning shot.





Competition-winning performance.

Because Chinese Girls can become Men too

With one more final left to go, I’ve found it increasingly difficult to remain focused, especially with lingering thoughts of how awful I performed on my previous tests. Luckily, I’ve found the perfect remedy to alleviate all my depressing thoughts, designed around a fail-proof plan of watching several enlightening youtube videos.

My first source of inspiration is a no brainer; most of you probably watch it right before leaving the house to kick some ass in whatever. If not, it consists of watching Lance’s old post of Jean Claude Van Damme’s classic speech in the movie Street Fighter, which is arguably one of the “Greatest Moments in Cinematic History.” I watch it at a modest 5 or so times in a row, until I start shaking my head like the Indian soldier, and feel so pumped up that I throw my fist up at the end too. I’d watch it a few more times, but my adrenaline rush is usually at its peak by then so I tend to take it easy after that.

Next, I watch an assortment of Steven Seagal action clips, such as this one in the movie “Out for Justice” where he single-handily, TAKES OUT THE TRASH!!



Steven Seagal is fucking awesome. Not only does he display some handy shotgun work, and blasts someone’s leg off, but on top of that, he makes short work of a fat guy with just one fucking judo kick to the gut. While this clip doesn’t really pertain to finals, and probably has absolutely no inspirational value whatsoever unless you too, are out for some street justice, I still think its pretty badass nonetheless.

If Van Damme and Steven Seagal isn’t enough to pump me up and get me back to studying, I resort to another well-known source of motivation, inspired by the recent Disney theme.

From Disney’s Mulan: “I’ll make a man out of you!”



Thanks to the historical accuracy of Mulan, I now know how it feels to be a Chinese recruit back in the day; and it must’ve really sucked, with such absurd standards just to get through boot camp. Shooting 3 apples in mid-air with a bow while still hitting the target – Getting stoned while balancing a bucket of water on your head – Dodging a hail of flaming arrows - Having to break a stone slab – Are you fucking serious?? But hey, if this is what Mulan had to go through, there’s no reason for me to give up on studying, finals, or just school in general for that matter. If a young Chinese women can transform into a dude overnight, I too, can do the same… and perform well on my last test.

Well For Me...

To: Adonis "The Noob"
From: Nazer
Re: DISNEY CHICKS: Who is Top Tier

My choice would have to be the darling Belle. She's pretty, intelligent, humble, and has incredibly good judgement. Guys always talk about the girl who gets with the loser asshole, but Belle denies the incredibly arrogant Gaston even after he proposes to her; such a great sense of character.

She has an unbreakable love for her family which is always admirable. Even though her greedy sisters ask for jewelry and other material possessions from her hardworking father, Belle asks for nothing more than a rose.

Her love for the Beast shows her ability to look past looks and see a man for what he really is. But in the end we all know that the Beast was too much of a pussy to hurt anyone, so his ass got stabbed by that loser Gaston.

So in the end Belle would be the one for me. She has all the qualities that make a girl attractive, but she doesn't need the horse-drawn carriage, magic carpet, crabs that sing, talking dragons, or all the money in the world to be happy. Plus she hangs out with teapots and candlesticks so I'm sure she wouldn't mind a little house work. Most definitely top tier.

Re: DISNEY CHICKS: Who is Top Tier?

To: Adonis "the Noob"
From: Just "the extraordinary" Ray

For whatever reason all this talk of Princess Jasmine made me want to post this:


My vote goes to princess jasmine as well. There are a couple of pros and cons to getting with jasmine.

Pros:
1. Shes loaded, you wouldn't have to work another day of your life.
2. Jasmine is always wearing lingerie.
3. She can show you a whole new world
4. Her pops sultan agrabah is a push over, so you could convince him to lend you money all the time.

Cons:

1. Shes married, but husbands are just goalies...preventing the score.
2. Her tiger Rajah might eat you while you sleep.
3. After doing the deed, your room would smell potently of curry and i would guess even the strongest febreze couldn't get that smell out of your sheets.
4. According to russell peters indian women are super hairy.....gross

DISNEY CHICKS: Who is Top Tier?

Lets say, in another alternate universe, all the Disney Princesses were real people; possibly just the girl next door, walking around, doing their thing, and they all just so happened to be single and on the market. How would they fair in today’s world? Who would you consider? After hours of tense deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s only one Disney girl out there for me. But before revealing my decision, here’s how the others would have faired.

Ariel, aka the Little Mermaid

She’s a great singer, an exceptional swimmer, and especially goal-oriented. For instance, one of her ambitions was to grow feet; that alone can say a lot about a person’s character. So what’s the problem? Unfortunately, she’s a fucking mermaid. She’s a freak, a mutant; she has fins for legs. Not to be a hater or anything, and while mixed-women tend to be some of the most attractive girls out there, going out with Ariel would present a number of potential problems – I’d have a tough time being romantic while having to push her ass around in a shopping cart all day.

Plus, are dates on land would be limited to trips to Sea World, where I’m certain the other fish would jock on her and steal my thunder. Damn you Shamu. Also, I’m not that great of a swimmer myself, and visits to her house unda da sea would be difficult. Not to mention, her overprotective hard-ass daddy, King Triton, is probably every guy’s worst nightmare.

(Eating dinner with her parents)
King Triton: So, Adonis… your name is ‘Adonis,’ correct?

Me: (nervously) Uh, yes sir, it is.

King Triton: Adonis eh? What kind of queer name is Adonis anyways?

Me: Umm, well it’s uh –

King Triton: (interrupting) Nevermind that. So Ariel tells me you go to UCSD, Home of the, “Tritons?”

Me: (excidetly) Oh yes sir! It’s great, our mascot is named after you –

King Triton: (interrupting again) HUH? What kind of nonsense is that? Are you saying my honorable name is being used for a school full of scrawny nerds and sissy-men? HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME??

Me: (awkward silence) Uhh… sorry Ariel, I forgot, I actually gotta go...

But hey, who can forget about…
Pocahontas

Tall, athletic, caring, and peace-loving; It’s easy to see why she stands above the competition. However, her fanatical environmentalism and obsession with safeguarding Mother Earth would eventually push me over the edge. Plus she seems to dig white guys.

(Trying to find a place to eat)
Me: Babe, we’ve been driving around forever, why can’t I just pick this time?

Pocahontas: (angrily) For the last time, don’t EVER call me babe. How many times do I have to tell you, we are all Mother Nature’s children. I am no more special than you, that rock, or that tree. And why don’t we just eat at Souplantation again? That sounds good doesn’t it?

Me: (irritated) C’mon, I’m so sick of eating salad. That’s all you want to eat. Vegetables and shit. Why can’t we get something better to eat for once, like some fried chicken. Hell yeah, that sounds good. I’m down for some Popeyes.

Pocahontas: (stunned) I can’t believe you just said that... Take me back to Mother Willow’s. I will not eat at a restaurant that butchers and slays innocent beings! Cuz’ I know every rock and tree and creature, has a life, has a spirit, has a NAAAAMMMEE... (starts to sing the rest of “Colors of the Wind”)

Me: Stop, stop. O.k., o.k., I get it, I’m sorry. I was just joking around, I love animals. We’ll go to Souplantation… (Car suddenly stops.) What the hell. Ah shit, the battery’s dead again. Fuck these piece of shit electric cars! (I slam on the steering wheel, reach into my pocket, and pull out a cigarette)

Pocahontas: What… are you doing… (Starts to tear up) The other day I catch you littering, and now this? Polluting the air?? You said you quit!! Justin was right about you, you don’t care about Mother Earth at all!

Me: Wait, what? Justin? You’ve been talking to him again? What’s with you and white guys?? (Shaking her head, she gets up out of the car) Babe! Come back here, I’m sorry all right! Get back in here! (She runs off into the woods, sobbing)

Me: (yelling) Fine then! Go be ahead and run off with that white dude, John, Judd, Smith, whatever the fuck his name is. See if I care. Once I get this shit started I’m going to McDonalds and ordering the whole fucking menu. You here me! Bitch!

So things between me and her didn’t work out, but hey, there’s always…
Belle, of Beauty and the Beast

She seems like a sure-thing – She’s intelligent, open-minded, loves her family, and evidently she doesn’t care too much about looks. Yeah, Belle seems perfect… if it wasn’t for this hulking motherfucker right here:


Basically, the only negative about her, besides her apparent beastiality, is having to deal with an angry ex-boyfriend who could quite literally hunt you down and rip your head off. Is she worth it? Maybe, maybe not, but I sure hell wouldn't risk it.

Honorable mentions:
Cinderella – Too much of a junkie for my tastes. Besides a habit of talking to rats named “Gus Gus”, her ride is a pimped-out giant pumpkin, and her outfits tend to incorporate scandalous glass heels.

Sleeping Beauty – What a lazy ass. She just sleeps all day.

Snow White – Hell no, she’s probably the closest thing to a whore out of the bunch. Not only is she a complete ditz for taking food from complete strangers, and getting into trouble, but she happens to live in a house with SEVEN other dudes! There’s no fun with Dopey and the gang always tagging along.


Mulan – No Asian bias here. With so many manly features, she looks too much like a dude. A dude I might add, who could easily kung fu my ass.

So after careful consideration, the winner goes to…
Princess Jasmine

Really, what guy can resist Princess Jasmine, who is definitely Disney’s cream of the crop. Not only is she one exotic women and often scantily clad, she has a fiery personality that makes her just as appealing. She also happens to be loaded, living large in a ballin’ palace, and could very well be the perfect sugar mamma. But what really separates her from the rest has to be the fact that despite her material wealth and possibility of being a stuck-up rich kid, she nevertheless, isn’t quick to judge.

Perfect (and only) example:
Aladdin – He is, without question, a scrub. A STREET RAT. He has no money, no car, his pad is a dump, and his best friend is a monkey. Jasmine however, did not take these issues into account, and in the end, the dirt poor Aladdin still won her over through his charm, good-nature, and pure determination. With that said, Princess Jasmine is definitely top tier.

More Links!

So the Cool Kids Blogosphere has collectively decided to provide all of us with fresh new content in the days leading up to UC final exams. By the way, this is something we all should have read a long time ago.

• Nelson discusses what will truly be an end of an era over at Walking Contradiction. I will never be able to eat at Oscar's again (not for fucking full price!). We have all been spoiled by your generous decision to trap yourself at a job you hated for years; all I can say is thank you for loading me up with carbs to last me a lifetime.
  
• At X-tra Medium, Rawfreakme shares his favorites from DJ Mike Rizzy.


• Alexand recaps his recent birthday trip to Vegas at Chasing the Coup. Missing though, is the part where he got drunk, ripped his shirt off in slow motion, tied it around his head, and re-enacted this scene from Kickboxer.

• Reader Tiffany wants you to check out Wooster Collective if you you're still feelin artsy fartsy.


• Speaking of artsy fartsy, Kuya Justin did what everyone does when he bought a new camera. He started a photo blog inspired by the late patriarch of our family.
  
• Finally, the blogosphere has been in a fervor over the latest posts from the only ladies on that right toolbar. First, Melody transcribes a heated debate between the girls and guys at 198 with her own commentary. Said debate left me wanting to do this by the end...

JUS KIDDING!

• The Capinator followed up with what makes a man sexy, leaving out the obvious stuff like washboard abs or exceptional Rock Band skills.

And for good measure, one more video to share from those crazy Japanese:

Pankun and James

Thanks to Rex and AJ (they don't even read this shit, I don't know why I'm giving them credit), I found this loveable monkey and bulldog duo. I can rag on shitty Filipino TV because the Japanese actually put out quality programming like this. I will take Human Tetris, Silent Library, and PANKUN AND JAMES over Wowowee any day.

Finals make me....happy? O_O

To: "the utterly amazing" Lance, "the extraordinary" Ray, noob Adonis
From: Nazer
Re: Finals make me homesick
Finals make me want to cut my wrists

I haven't posted in a while due to my heavy schedule, but with last week behind me things can continue at their normal pace.

Finals ended last Friday for me, and yeah because of the whole music school thing they were actually pretty enjoyable. Tests enjoyable? Bullshit I know, and I know a ton of kids at Berklee who strongly disagree with me, but yeah I personally had fun with them. I got to write music, conduct a Stravinsky piece, listen to music, give a speech about music and society, and study historical film composers.

Anyways, it seems like the majority of people go on Spring Break next week, so to everyone still taking tests, good luck, because vacation isn't the same without everyone celebrating. So yeah, knock that shit out so we can all go crazy.

I'd also like to encourage everyone to check out all the amazing posts by our affiliates lately (right side under blogosphere). Some fantastic reads there, perfect for distracting one from studying.

Finals make me want to cut my wrists. :',( double tears

To: the utterly amazing Lance, nazer, dun dun, all you she devil player haters

From: Just "the extraordinary" Ray

I share the feeling of procrastination with lance and decided to lag even more by posting this article I found on yahoo.

Seven Ways to Win Back Your Gaming Spouse
Are games ruining your relationship? Fight back with these seven tips.
By Mike Smith
ADVERTISEMENT

It might be hard to believe that a video game could destroy a relationship, but after we talked to Jocelyn, a Californian whose six-year marriage dissolved when her husband developed a crippling addiction to the massively-multiplayer online game World of Warcraft, we were inundated with similar stories of woe and heartbreak.
It's too late for Jocelyn -- who divorced her husband in 2005 and has sworn to keep away from gamers altogether -- but it might not be too late for you. If your significant other's gaming habits are harming your relationship, here are seven ways to beat the game and reclaim your love life.

1. Learn from the game
Games like World of Warcraft use classic behavioral control techniques: they tie small rewards very closely to repetitive chores. If your spouse is neglecting household tasks -- a common complaint among sufferers -- try employing a little positive reinforcement. The next time he empties the trash, play a loud 'Ding!' sound and tell him his Refuse-Disposal skill just increased.

2. Suggest a date at a video game movie
Just make sure it's a good one, because most of them are terrible. Resident Evil is a good choice, and assuming your spouse is male, the prospect of staring at Milla Jovovich for an hour and a half should certainly pique his interest. Don't let him sneak off to play his game once the movie is done, either: segue into a more intimate scenario before it ends, or you'll lose his attention.

3. Fake a power outage; cuddle up with candles and a board game
No matter how bad your addiction is, you can't play Warcraft with no electricity. Slip out to the junction box and flip the switch (after, of course, making sure any sensitive equipment is safely powered down). Your spouse will be devastated, but they'll be looking for something to keep their mind off the game. What better chance to propose lighting a few candles and playing a round of Scrabble?

4. Put some game into your nighttime activities
If your spouse's gaming addiction is cutting into your bedroom time, think about how you might switch up your usual routine. If they're into military games like Call of Duty or Splinter Cell, uniforms aren't hard to find (nor are night-vision cameras, if you're game). But if they call you a "n00b," it might be time to think about kicking them to the curb.

5. Try a different kind of role-playing game

See Sexy Costume Examples
If you're having trouble distracting your husband from the game, surprise him with a treat. World of Warcraft is packed with sexy female characters (and, let's face it, most other video games). With a little effort in the wardrobe department, you can recapture his attentions by dressing up as a character from the game. We'd suggest a Night Elf as a good starting outfit. For bonus points, learn the character's corresponding dance moves.

6. Get away from it all
Surprise your spouse with a weekend getaway to distract them from their addiction. Something that incorporates outdoor activities is best, because then he or she won't have the time or energy to miss their game. Try skiing, mountain biking, watersports, or fishing, or head for an action-packed hotspot like Vegas or New Orleans. Stay away from relaxing beach vacations, and for goodness sake, leave the laptop at home.

7. If you can't beat 'em...
If all else fails, it's time to consider extreme measures. Have you ever played the offending game yourself? Lots of couples play Warcraft (or similar online games) as a team, leveling up complementary characters and turning isolated and nonconstructive activities into good, old-fashioned quality time together. Most massively multiplayer games are deceptively easy to learn, and you'll have the benefit of an in-house expert to answer your questions in exhaustive detail. Just be careful not to start shirking familial duties yourself.

Moral of the story and why the cool kids are single:

Ladies its your fault we don't want to look at you, speak to you, or listen to you when the sticks/keys/mouse get busted out. Forget about your needs, what about our needs? If were settling down with one girl were leaving our pimp player steez at the door. So if we can't play girls we gotta play games. Ya smell me? So don't think that our love for you will PWN our need to pwn these noobs(adonis) in the gaming world. It's not that we love games more, its just...ahhh how do i put this? We love you less. All jokes aside, I SAY PICK UP THE STICKS snuggle close to your man and score a touchdown in Madden, get a head shot in call of duty 4, do whatever it is alex, keng, and dennis do in WoW, and if you can pwn your man into submission because trust if he didn't let you win he'll probably never want to play that game again.

I commend the cool kid affiliates Kristine and Mel for putting it down with rockband your ahead of the game.

This isn't exactly about gaming, but it applies in a lot of ways.

Finals make me homesick :'(

To: the extraordinary Ray, Adonis, Nazer
From: Lance

Kotaku's weekend editor, Maggie Greene, a grad student at Adonis' own UCSD, used her Weekend Note to whine about finals so I will too.

I'm horribly behind on an SQL Database project, and a 10 page research paper due tomorrow, but I would like to waste a few minutes to share some final exam bloopers! Most of these have made their way around the internet many times already, but this shit is still funny.

Mixed Emotions

The heart of a champion:



The shame of a university:



Final score of the Big West Conference Final, CSU Fullerton: 81, UC Irvine: 66. I was joking about the shame, we had a great run, and a great upset of Aaron's Gauchos (?!). Someday we will make it to the Big Dance, and we'll play on national television so that everyone can see the mediocrity that is UCI Basketball.

Monday Morning Buffet: Brett Favre & Pedophiles

Roy Lichtenstein, “Whaam!”

■ The other day at school I was in a good mood, so as I strolled down library walk I bought Korean BBQ from a student organization, signed a few random petitions that I had no idea what the hell they were advocating for, and by the end of my run of good-will, I was rewarded with a group of smiling 12-year-olds…

(Enter pedophile joke)
…Which of course, would make R-Kelly, David Westerfield, and my friend Marky Mark wet their pants.

Lucky for me, they were Girl Scouts, selling no other than their magically delicious Girl Scout Cookies. I promptly bought two boxes worth. My tier list of the different flavors from o.k. to great goes something like this: Thin Mints, the peanut-buttery tasting ones, the lemony tasting ones, Shortbreads…

But the King of Girl Scout Cookies remains uncontested – All Hail, the almighty SAMOAS!


These are fucking delicious. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but I could eat these all day. A flawless combination of chocolate, caramel, and coconut flakes, all working together while ending with a satisfying toasted crunch.

From my experience, I advise you; this is the kind of snack where sharing is not an option. It’s probably best to eat your box of Samoas alone in a dark corner away from civilization, or store them in the pantry behind the gross cereal brands that no one grabs. I’ve lost many dear Samoas to evil friends and family members after they discovered I was in possession of some. And for your own sake, if you happen to have a box on you and I’m around, hide it at all costs.

■ While this story is old news, I feel I should take the time to pay tribute to an NFL great, who has just recently declared his retirement after 15 seasons of playing the game. If you haven’t heard, Green Bay’s deity, Packer’s quarterback Brett Favre, has finally decided to hang up the cleats after years of speculation of this day to come.

Brett Favre, you will surely be missed. This means no more calling you Bart, no more old-man jokes, no more sports writers sucking your dick, no more watching you blindly throwing up the ball, and no more crying after every press conference when you contemplated retirement. However, your sole Super Bowl win, and Interception record, will forever stand testament in the annals of NFL history, making you truly, a football legend.

Cool Kids Room presents…
Brett Favre through the years; A Photo Tribute to #4

Brett Favre as a Pop Warner stud

A young Brett Favre, dreaming of one day playing in the NFL

Known for his incredible toughness, here we see him brushing off some punishment

Brett Favre, as we tend to remember him

And finally, the legend declaring enough is enough

(I kid, I kid. We all love you Grandpa Favre; you are definitely a Hall-of-Famer in my book.)

■ Even though Super Smash Bros. Melee will always hold a place in my heart, I still think Brawl is fucking awesome. I think I’m in love with it already. So in love with it, in fact, that I missed a whole day’s worth of school, including my last and most important lectures of the quarter, just so I could play it nonstop. Finals you ask? HAH! Sometimes you just have to set your priorities straight. Brawl > Studying. I just really wish I got a Nintendo Wii back in the day when I probably had the chance. (and extra cash)

■ Last night’s showing of America’s Best Dance Crew was highlighted with a sickass intro to a remix of It’s a Hard Knock Life, making it my favorite episode yet. I hope they choreograph another collaboration, and maybe, just maybe, they’ll bring back some of the eliminated groups to help participate. Maybe they can bring back, oh I don’t know, Fysh n Chicks perhaps? That'd be cool...

■ I’ll probably get shit for this, or maybe it’s just when me and Lance play, but from my memory and especially after last weekend, I sadly have to admit: we cool kids in the room are the WORST group of Beer Pong players ever to play the game. We couldn’t win a beer pong match even if our lives depended on it. If we played a game together all four of us would have full grown beards by the time we finished. Even the cups would grow beards. Ok that didn’t make sense, but yeah. We are terrible.

Best,
Adonis

ANTEATERS prevail over Pacific Tigers

UCI edged out Tony Luu's UOP Tigers 57-56, in the quarterfinals of the Big West conference tournament. The last play was somewhat controversial. Irvine's Patrick Sanders blocked a potential game winning put-back layup by Pacific's Michael Kirby by trapping it against the backboard. Whiners and complainers are unaware of the fact that this is only illegal in the NBA.

Most people forget that UCI has a Division I basketball team, probably because we're not very good. UOP has been the powerhouse in recent years, but that's starting to change as they seem to be going through a rebuilding process. Analysts say that this year's conference tournament is a virtual crapshoot, so we actually have a chance of making it to the Big Dance and having national coverage to some capacity.

Tonight is the semi-finals matchup against top seeded UC Santa Barbara. We swept UCSB this season and hopefully that trend continues so that I can fabricate a rivalry with Aaron (I KNOW YOU READ THIS SHIT). Catch the game on ESPN-U...hopefully, fuck who am I kidding, they probably won't even show this shit.

When the news goes wrong...

...hilarity ensues:

Why the COOL KIDS should NEVER think about becoming famous...

In light of Adonis' recent expose on Ramiele's naughty pictures, and how they will likely be blown out of proportion by the media, I thought it'd be interesting to take a look at an alternative universe. In this strange world, we are all famous, and this is what some of our picture scandals would look like complete with an excerpt from the accompanying article

RAY

Renowned spoken word artist and writer, Ray, will have to answer lots of questions after a photo surfaced of him with the finest in fufu drinks in hand. Usually known for his raging masculinity, fans are bewildered by what appears to be his love of Parrot Bay.

but it gets worse

ADONIS

Popular newspaper columnist, Adonis, could be facing a potential scandal after a man who claims to be an ex-boyfriend of his released pictures of what he claims to be Adonis' pre-buttsex ritual of wearing tight thermals and taking "homosexual looking pictures". The man's identity is unknown and he simply goes by the alias, 'Seadonkey'.

but the most scandalous of all

LANCE

Competitive eating champion, Lance, is embroiled in a high profile scandal with what appears to be a homosexual relationship with star Philadelphia Soul Tight End, Nelson, of the Arena Football League. Seen here with his supple titties being passionately grabbed by the football star, this incident could put his eating career in jeopardy. Rumors have surfaced of a picture involving some kind of menagerie with columnist, Adonis.

And by rumors, I mean we have it right here.



In conclusion, I never want to be fucking famous. I advise all the young'ns to never drink if you don't want dumbass pictures of yourself on facebook. Fuck the media. Fuck alcohol. And fuck Nazer for not having one embarassing photo in my pictures album.

FAILURE!

NOTE from the author:

I know i haven't been posting anything really in dept lately and most of my posts are video bukkakes. This post isn't going to be any different so DEAL WITH IT!

So i was sitting in the computer lab with a friend and she enlightened me by showing me some images online that tickled my funny bone. I don't know if anyone else has seen this shiet, but its straight comedy.


















presenting:

FAIL homie edition




















oh and my personal favorite:


THE END!